Thoughts Upon the Festival of Samhain

Benedicamus Domino!

Today is, of course, Halloween. Children in many parts of the world are dressed in costume and will be going door to door to obtain candy from generous neighbours, and if the neighbours aren't so generous, the children may play pranks upon them. I used to indulge in this time-honoured tradition of "trick-or-treat," but I never stopped to think of what lay behind it. All I knew was that Halloween was a magical time which could set my imagination soaring and indulge my creative spirit. It always felt right and proper to celebrate it, and even after I was deemed too old to go trick-or-treating, I still dressed up in costume and enjoyed reading or hearing ghost stories and generally made merry and scary with the best of them.

Then, I found Pagan beliefs, and I researched the origins of Halloween. On one hand, it was said to be a time of unpredictability when the veil between the living world and the "other" world, the world of spirits and undying things, was thin. The celts certainly believed this, and the tradition persisted into Christian times, when those of the "other" world became evil. People had to dress in costume in order to fool the evil spirits so that they wouldn't take them away.

Still, I was certain that even more lay behind this idea than was on its surface, so I probed deeper. I still found the theme of unpredictability running strongly in the traditional stories, but what I also found was that this was a night to honour the dead and to acknowledge the coming of winter. Of course, to a farming and hunting culture, winter was seen as a very difficult time of year, but it was also seen as a time when the land would rest from its labours, and as Samhain (pronounced "sow-win") was said to be a night out of time, when the living and the dead could mingle, it was rife with magic and divination rites. Here, on the eve of the hardest time of year, people would seek counsel of their ancestors and of the gods. Priests would wear the skin of a ritually-slaughtered bull and would allow it to shrink in the heat of a bonfire, and as it shrank, they would go into a trance and would prophecy. This sort of thing was done in many parts of the world, as Pagan beliefs tend to follow similar lines. They take their beliefs from the world around them, and the world as we know it has many similar themes repeated in all its continents.

So here, at last, I felt that I had come to the truth of why Halloween had intrigued me so much. Every year, I felt (and still feel, I might add) a build-up of something--let us say excitement for lack of a better word--surrounding this day. Even though I no longer participate in the getting of candy or even dress in costume, it is still a very interesting time. The feeling in the air shifts and blurs, and one feels that anything is possible. Don't misunderstand me! I am a committed Christian, but it is on days like today when that old feeling returns and I revel in the wildness and the freedom it seems to afford.

When I became a Pagan in name, (I'm more than convinced that I had been one in spirit for many years,) I began to acknowledge Samhain as a time for honouring the dead and for interesting portents and signs. It was on Samhain one year that I and a friend saw two deer performing what we figured was some sort of a mating dance in a local park which had a petting zoo in it. They pranced and pawed and made noises, and not even our proximity would stop them. Well, two months later, I met the man who later became my fiance. What was a Pagan girl to think? It confirmed Samhain in my mind as a blessed and sacred time.

Then, the first Samhain that I celebrated with others was also the first Samhain after my fiance's passing. So, I had a very real reason to honour my dead that year, and it came at a time when I needed a catharsis. It was a beautiful ritual, and I'll never forget it, but the one I will truly never forget came three years later. Someone had brought some water from Chalice Well in Glastonbury. Glastonbury has become a place sacred to both Christians and Pagans, and it has meant a great deal to me, even though I've never set foot within its bounds. Well, so here was some water actually drawn from Chalice Well! I was awed and fascinated, and I decided to place some on my forehead. This is where one's "third eye" is said to reside, the point on the body which corresponds with the faculty of "second-sight." Well, I placed the water on my forehead, and then I got an insight. It was an epiphany, though till some days or weeks later, I didn't know what it meant. I remember thinking: "I am Glastonbury," only those words, but I kept it to myself and we went on with things.

Then, in November, came my realization that Christ truly was who He said He was. I've written of this before in this blog, so I won't dwell on it now, but I began to realize what I had meant when I had told myself that I was Glastonbury. Here was a land (probably an island at the time,) sacred to a people who had worshipped on it for centuries. Then came Joseph of Aramathia who planted his staff which blossomed into the holy thorn. More importantly, he may have been the first Christian to bring knowledge of Christ to these people, and he came as a tradesman. They mined tin thereabouts at the time. Here was I, suddenly having a knowledge bloom and blossom that I had sought for years, but I learned something very important that day. Sometimes, you have to go back to the beginning before you can go forward, and sometimes, your path will lead you where you least expect to go, but if it is a path of truth-seeking, then truth will find you and meet you on the road.

So, in some ways, I still honour Samhain. I cannot call it a day of demonic powers or Satanic rites as some of my Christian brothers and sisters do. For me, the door between the worlds was a doorway into truth, and I will never repudiate its importance or deny its sacred nature. No, I do not celebrate it now as once I did, but I honour those who do, and I stand with them in the knowledge of what it is and what it means. To betray that would be to betray something deep within myself, and it would also mean betraying my own journey. "I am a part of all that I have met," as Tennyson wrote, and I will never deny that I was once a Pagan and a Witch. That path saved me from despairing, gave me comfort and confidence when I needed it, and perhaps most importantly, gave me some wise people to learn from and to bond with. I have sought, ever since I became a Christian, to forget all of this. I have felt that it was necessary to completely divorce myself from my Pagan past. Now, however, I don't feel that way anymore. I am who I am, and I can't pretend to be anyone else. To do so or to minimize that time in my life and call it a mere phase would be petty and mean. Nothing short of Christ's own self could have made me leave Pagan beliefs behind. I was committed and had thought I had found my spiritual home. Then, of course, as He will do, Christ changed everything. Of course, He had been preparing for that day for a long time. I think it would have come in some way even if I had not left Christianity before. It's a day that everyone must have, perhaps even several times in life. It's a day when one's faith becomes less a matter of the intellect and more a matter of the heart and soul. It's a day when one knows who one is, fully and completely, for one instant of time. Everyone has their journey in life, and no one can judge another's path, and so I say: blessed Samhain to all who celebrate it! Here's one Christian who stands with you!

Deo Gratias!