More on Love

Benedicamus Domino!

As discussed previously, human love should never be thought of as the be-all and end-all of fulfillment, because it is very difficult for us to love disinterestedly--that is, to love without some kind of selfish, or egoish motive. Even the best of us seeks something in return, or this is my experience. This in itself need not be a bad thing, but if the one that we love does not somehow measure up to what we feel that we are owed, then that's where the trouble begins.

Alright then, so what is supposed to fulfill us? Why do we desire to be fulfilled, and why do we seem, perhaps especially today, to feel a sense of incompleteness in our lives? Well, I believe that it's because something is missing. We aren't fully human in our current state. God, and I'm not qualifying this word as being a metaphor or a force or anything else, created us to be more than we currently are, so it is natural that we would desire to better ourselves. However, because we have these pesky little egos ruling us, what was once a desire to grow along with God's guidance has become a desire to set ourselves against God and to become little captains of our own ships. I only say this out of experience. It is very difficult for me to trust a human being enough to let them choose something for me, and as for God, well, it is an ongoing struggle.

However, what God wishes for his creatures is to become like Him, to be healed of our wounds and to live in union with Him and with each other. This is no mere pretty notion. Union does not involve some political alliance. Union is deeper than this. The church teaches that we should strive to know God as a man knows his wife--I mean in the biblical sense. Christ didn't die and rise again so we could have a ticket to Heaven or so that we could be granted miraculous powers. He died and rose again so that we could learn to see ourselves aright and move beyond the distorted and misshapen egos which are the little puppets that we call ourselves. This isn't an easy journey, but real love isn't about making things easy. It's about doing what is needful and in the best interest of the person who is loved. Real and unclouded love can burn like the sun or be as soft as a moth's wing, but it is uncompromising. It will fight and it will dare, and yet it will not compell. Real love demands the freedom of choice of the one being loved. We must choose to love and to allow ourselves to be loved. This goes for human interactions as well as those between us and God.

Marriage, the church teaches, is akin to martyrdom. This sounds like a silly joke, but it's not. When you marry someone, you are binding yourself to that person. You are saying to each other that you will be partners in each other's journey towards salvation. This need not mean that one partner should stay if another partner is being abusive, but it does mean that the choice has been made consciously by two people to enter into this union. You know, the church takes a lot of flack for the "wives, submit yourselves unto your husbands" bit in Paul's writings, but there's another part of this little marrital equasion, to wit: "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church." And how does Christ love the church? How does Christ love all men? First, He became incarnate as a man. He, the Logos of God, became bound into a human body. Then, He did a lot of good works and miracles. Then, He submitted Himself to ignominy and shame and allowed Himself to be put to death. This was no mere sacrifice or atonement offering, but something much greater. He showed us how to kill our ego, and to let Him help us to unearth our true self.

How does this translate into marriage? Well, while the wives are busy submitting unto their husbands, the husbands are supposed to actually 'man up' and be there for their wives. The husbands are supposed to stand by their wives, to support them, to humble themselves as well, so it's a mutual humbling, a mutual offering of each other to each other in a very eucharistic sort of way! This may not mean hearts and flowers all the time, but it should mean devotion to each other's welfare and a willingness to go the distance to see that the other's needs are met. Of course, seeing as we are fallen humans who are struggling with our egos, this will also mean a lot of falling and getting up again, but if pride can be kept to a minimum, then love will find its way through into a good and abiding marriage.

So that is my discussion of love. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Deo Gratias!