Benedicamus Domino!
Going with the flow seems to me to be a requirement for living a more joy-filled life. No matter how much we might think ourselves hard-done-by in life, I think that for most small misfortunes, the best course of action is to accept them and to just go with the flow.
Of course, this is easy for me to say, as even though my usual computer has decided to play dead for a while and must go in for repairs, I am not without computing abilities, as this blog entry will attest.
So, what then is needed for one to truly go with the flow, to truly accept a real misfortune with some kind of equinimity, even when there is no immediate remedy in sight? I think hope is one thing that is needed: a generally optimistic outlook on life. This need not be something made of candy hearts and flowers, but I believe that there can be a very practical type of optimism which is born out of the notion that nothing in our lives lasts forever. There can be a strange sort of comfort to be had when we truly consider all in life to be transitory and fleeting. We begin to want things less and less, and so are less perturbed when we lose them. This is not to say that we become apathetic about life, but I think we become more respectful of it, more careful of each moment and how it is used, while at the same time truly embracing the fact that loss is inevitable but love is the thing that endures.
Now, I will hasten to add that I have not reached this level of awareness as yet. Right now, if I did not have a working computer to use, I would be going stir-crazy with the hopefully temporary loss of my laptop: the laptop on which I have all my creative efforts and which I have working just the way I want it. What I have to remember is that I have it pretty good in this life! I should be grateful for this old and clunky machine on which I am currently working, because even though it is unbelievably slow and difficult to manage, it is still a working computer. So instead of moaning about the annoying loss of the other computer, I should be enjoying the fact that I still have this one. Ok, so here I go. I'm going to enjoy it. I really am! Really, really, really! :)
Deo Gratias!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Patience
Benedicamus Domino!
I promised you an entry about patience. Given the previous few entries which have talked about the Christian life as being a dynamic one, where does the notion of patient endurance come in? Everyone talks about it: Christ, St. Paul, all the biggies! Treatises have been written on the need for patience. Tales have been told about how patience can lead to reward. So what does this mean? Are we simply to accept life for what it is, to sit quietly and let life pass us by? The answer, of course, is both yes and no.
Yes, there is a certain amount of acceptance needed if we are to live in this crazy world and still retain some sanity. The world is nuts and does not follow any real order that we can see. This is what we have to accept, but what we also have to remember is that it is our own limited vision which cannot see the order, the movement behind all movement, the dynamic activity of God in and around our world and our universe. So, patience must be cultivated: patience with ourselves, patience with our neighbours, and patience with God.
Today, we want everything yesterday. We want things to come to us instantly. We feel entitled to this. However, I think that patience if cultivated correctly can shift this sense of entitlement away and replace it with an abiding certainty of God's supremacy in our lives.
So what then is patience? Is patience simply waiting without complaint? No, I think it's more active than this. Patience is self-mastery. Patience is a willingness to forgive someone over and over and over again and still love them. Patience, however, is not simply being a doormat, because along with patience must come a respect for each human being, a true sense of human dignity, because however broken and fallen we all may be, we have been made in God's image. So, sometimes, though we are the most patient people imaginable, a choice must be made for our own selves. I just want to make it clear that I'm not advocating for powerlessness in bad situations.
What I am saying is that patience is a very courageous thing to have. It stands in the face of utter insanity and doesn't let that insanity touch it. It looks at the world in which we live and it says: "I live in hope!" Its source is that Divine Discontent about which I wrote in my last entry. It does not deaden true desire, but it calms all the false frettings of the ego so that true desire, divine desire can shine forth. It is something which I need to cultivate in my own life, and it is something which can actually be a very powerful source of strength. Like water, patience can be gentle and soft or it can sweep you off your feet. Sometimes patience can prick the heart in a way that anger never can, and where anger tears, patience molds and shapes, gradually softening the heart like water gradually pounding stone into sand. It is a necessary ingredient of charity or love, and that is the end and aim of this journey toward joy: cultivating true and eucharistic love within myself and becoming a much better person than I currently am.
Deo Gratias!
I promised you an entry about patience. Given the previous few entries which have talked about the Christian life as being a dynamic one, where does the notion of patient endurance come in? Everyone talks about it: Christ, St. Paul, all the biggies! Treatises have been written on the need for patience. Tales have been told about how patience can lead to reward. So what does this mean? Are we simply to accept life for what it is, to sit quietly and let life pass us by? The answer, of course, is both yes and no.
Yes, there is a certain amount of acceptance needed if we are to live in this crazy world and still retain some sanity. The world is nuts and does not follow any real order that we can see. This is what we have to accept, but what we also have to remember is that it is our own limited vision which cannot see the order, the movement behind all movement, the dynamic activity of God in and around our world and our universe. So, patience must be cultivated: patience with ourselves, patience with our neighbours, and patience with God.
Today, we want everything yesterday. We want things to come to us instantly. We feel entitled to this. However, I think that patience if cultivated correctly can shift this sense of entitlement away and replace it with an abiding certainty of God's supremacy in our lives.
So what then is patience? Is patience simply waiting without complaint? No, I think it's more active than this. Patience is self-mastery. Patience is a willingness to forgive someone over and over and over again and still love them. Patience, however, is not simply being a doormat, because along with patience must come a respect for each human being, a true sense of human dignity, because however broken and fallen we all may be, we have been made in God's image. So, sometimes, though we are the most patient people imaginable, a choice must be made for our own selves. I just want to make it clear that I'm not advocating for powerlessness in bad situations.
What I am saying is that patience is a very courageous thing to have. It stands in the face of utter insanity and doesn't let that insanity touch it. It looks at the world in which we live and it says: "I live in hope!" Its source is that Divine Discontent about which I wrote in my last entry. It does not deaden true desire, but it calms all the false frettings of the ego so that true desire, divine desire can shine forth. It is something which I need to cultivate in my own life, and it is something which can actually be a very powerful source of strength. Like water, patience can be gentle and soft or it can sweep you off your feet. Sometimes patience can prick the heart in a way that anger never can, and where anger tears, patience molds and shapes, gradually softening the heart like water gradually pounding stone into sand. It is a necessary ingredient of charity or love, and that is the end and aim of this journey toward joy: cultivating true and eucharistic love within myself and becoming a much better person than I currently am.
Deo Gratias!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Divine Discontent
Benedicamus Domino!
Well, it's on me again: that wonderful and restless feeling which spring begets. Never mind that the weather outside is cold and bitter! Never mind that snow is falling in parts of this province. It doesn't matter, for it's spring in my heart, and again has come that wonderful feeling which can only be typified by the following passage from Kenneth Graham's The Wind In The Willows: "THE Mole had been working very hard all the morning, spring-cleaning his little home. First with brooms, then with dusters; then on ladders and steps and chairs, with a brush and a pail of whitewash; till he had dust in his throat and eyes, and splashes of whitewash all over his black fur, and an aching back and weary arms. Spring was moving in the air above and in the earth below and around him, penetrating even his dark and lowly little house with its spirit of divine discontent and longing. It was small wonder, then, that he suddenly flung down his brush on the floor, said `Bother!' and `O blow!' and also `Hang spring-cleaning!' and bolted out of the house without even waiting to put on his coat. Something up above was calling him imperiously, and he made for the steep little tunnel which answered in his case to the gravelled carriage-drive owned by animals whose residences are nearer to the sun and air. So he scraped and scratched and scrabbled and scrooged and then he scrooged again and scrabbled and scratched and scraped, working busily with his little paws and muttering to himself, `Up we go! Up we go!' till at last, pop! his snout came out into the sunlight, and he found himself rolling in the warm grass of a great meadow."
And here, in this tiny passage, is the essence of the life that I'm trying to lead. Here, impelled by what can only be called Divine Discontent and Longing, I keep trying to scratch through all the tonnes of earth which lie upon me, all the broken dreams and piled up regrets of past times, in order to find the light and the air, the real life which is beyond this world of shadows and half-glimpsed sunlight. It's out there, folks. It exists, and I know that it can be found, and the trick is that it's all in how we live the life we're given whether we see this other life or not.
I could, for instance, walk around in a sleepy dream, never really looking for the good things, for the beautiful and glorious things which are always waiting just out of sight, but I choose not to do this. I choose to try my best to be awake, to live a life which is true to myself and true to my beliefs. It is right to be discontented with the world as I know it. It is right to want more, but the trick is to know what I mean by wanting more, and that is what this journey toward joy is all about. I seek clarity where has been confusion and peace where there has been panic. I intend to ride the wave of this discontent, for it's only through that feeling of longing that I can see the truth I'm looking for. It's been the reason I've done any of the good things in my life, and it's never led me wrong yet. I believe we all have it inside of us, for we're not complete people. We look for wholeness and yearn for more than what our world can offer us, and this in itself is no bad thing. The problems come when the ego takes this very spiritual discontent and morphs it into covetousness and an obsession with the petty things of life. It happens to us all, but it doesn't have to happen if we can fuel the right kind of discontent, the proactive kind.
This is not about complaining. This is not about moaning about the misfortunes of life. This kind of discontent is about refusing to be comfortable. It's about refusing to lie down and take life for what it is. It's a strange and terrible way to be, both accepting life as it is given, but also knowing that there is more and better to come and actively trying to seek it.
It is only in this state of divine discontent that joy can truly be experienced, because it is only when we are in this state of seeking new horizons of beauty and terror and wonder that we can be truly alive to the moment that we are in. How then does all this discontent reconcile with patience and endurance? Perhaps we'll talk about that next time.
Deo Gratias!
Well, it's on me again: that wonderful and restless feeling which spring begets. Never mind that the weather outside is cold and bitter! Never mind that snow is falling in parts of this province. It doesn't matter, for it's spring in my heart, and again has come that wonderful feeling which can only be typified by the following passage from Kenneth Graham's The Wind In The Willows: "THE Mole had been working very hard all the morning, spring-cleaning his little home. First with brooms, then with dusters; then on ladders and steps and chairs, with a brush and a pail of whitewash; till he had dust in his throat and eyes, and splashes of whitewash all over his black fur, and an aching back and weary arms. Spring was moving in the air above and in the earth below and around him, penetrating even his dark and lowly little house with its spirit of divine discontent and longing. It was small wonder, then, that he suddenly flung down his brush on the floor, said `Bother!' and `O blow!' and also `Hang spring-cleaning!' and bolted out of the house without even waiting to put on his coat. Something up above was calling him imperiously, and he made for the steep little tunnel which answered in his case to the gravelled carriage-drive owned by animals whose residences are nearer to the sun and air. So he scraped and scratched and scrabbled and scrooged and then he scrooged again and scrabbled and scratched and scraped, working busily with his little paws and muttering to himself, `Up we go! Up we go!' till at last, pop! his snout came out into the sunlight, and he found himself rolling in the warm grass of a great meadow."
And here, in this tiny passage, is the essence of the life that I'm trying to lead. Here, impelled by what can only be called Divine Discontent and Longing, I keep trying to scratch through all the tonnes of earth which lie upon me, all the broken dreams and piled up regrets of past times, in order to find the light and the air, the real life which is beyond this world of shadows and half-glimpsed sunlight. It's out there, folks. It exists, and I know that it can be found, and the trick is that it's all in how we live the life we're given whether we see this other life or not.
I could, for instance, walk around in a sleepy dream, never really looking for the good things, for the beautiful and glorious things which are always waiting just out of sight, but I choose not to do this. I choose to try my best to be awake, to live a life which is true to myself and true to my beliefs. It is right to be discontented with the world as I know it. It is right to want more, but the trick is to know what I mean by wanting more, and that is what this journey toward joy is all about. I seek clarity where has been confusion and peace where there has been panic. I intend to ride the wave of this discontent, for it's only through that feeling of longing that I can see the truth I'm looking for. It's been the reason I've done any of the good things in my life, and it's never led me wrong yet. I believe we all have it inside of us, for we're not complete people. We look for wholeness and yearn for more than what our world can offer us, and this in itself is no bad thing. The problems come when the ego takes this very spiritual discontent and morphs it into covetousness and an obsession with the petty things of life. It happens to us all, but it doesn't have to happen if we can fuel the right kind of discontent, the proactive kind.
This is not about complaining. This is not about moaning about the misfortunes of life. This kind of discontent is about refusing to be comfortable. It's about refusing to lie down and take life for what it is. It's a strange and terrible way to be, both accepting life as it is given, but also knowing that there is more and better to come and actively trying to seek it.
It is only in this state of divine discontent that joy can truly be experienced, because it is only when we are in this state of seeking new horizons of beauty and terror and wonder that we can be truly alive to the moment that we are in. How then does all this discontent reconcile with patience and endurance? Perhaps we'll talk about that next time.
Deo Gratias!
Monday, April 23, 2012
The Art Of Conversation
Benedicamus Domino!
I enjoy a really good conversation. It's one of the things which truly brings me happiness: whether I'm participating in a lively debate or listening to others converse, or even engaging in something more intimate. I love a good conversation! Though, I think the best conversations are had when people are all on the same page and are willing to explore a topic to its deepest and most contraversial level, and when they can do it without emotion: without becoming so caught up in their own points of view that they lose the fact that this is only a discussion. When the rule states: "Don't discuss religion or politics," I'm generally the first one to discuss either, and when I'm with a group of people who can do so in an open and honest manner, while at the same time not being afraid or offended at another person's point of view, then learning is possible. Then, growing is possible.
In these days of the internet, some people think that the art of conversation is being lost. I, however, do not believe this. Just in the past few weeks, I have had several stimulating conversations with people who themselves were genuinely interested in the exploration of a given topic. They challenged me and I challenged them, and we challenged each other to think critically and to truly listen to each other as we spoke.
This kind of thing is somewhat lacking for me of late, and I need to pursue it more fully. I intend, therefore, to make it a point to cultivate conversations with people, even if this needs to happen through email or other virtual media. All I know is that it is very easy to be trapped in one's own head, and that proper and probing conversation is a way to stretch one's own point of view, to think outside the box of one's own thinking patterns, and this is what I sorely need to do.
Deo Gratias!
I enjoy a really good conversation. It's one of the things which truly brings me happiness: whether I'm participating in a lively debate or listening to others converse, or even engaging in something more intimate. I love a good conversation! Though, I think the best conversations are had when people are all on the same page and are willing to explore a topic to its deepest and most contraversial level, and when they can do it without emotion: without becoming so caught up in their own points of view that they lose the fact that this is only a discussion. When the rule states: "Don't discuss religion or politics," I'm generally the first one to discuss either, and when I'm with a group of people who can do so in an open and honest manner, while at the same time not being afraid or offended at another person's point of view, then learning is possible. Then, growing is possible.
In these days of the internet, some people think that the art of conversation is being lost. I, however, do not believe this. Just in the past few weeks, I have had several stimulating conversations with people who themselves were genuinely interested in the exploration of a given topic. They challenged me and I challenged them, and we challenged each other to think critically and to truly listen to each other as we spoke.
This kind of thing is somewhat lacking for me of late, and I need to pursue it more fully. I intend, therefore, to make it a point to cultivate conversations with people, even if this needs to happen through email or other virtual media. All I know is that it is very easy to be trapped in one's own head, and that proper and probing conversation is a way to stretch one's own point of view, to think outside the box of one's own thinking patterns, and this is what I sorely need to do.
Deo Gratias!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Accomplishment
Benedicamus Domino!
To feel a sense of accomplishment is a thing joyous indeed! I often forget that this feeling is possible as I drift through my day, doing whatever may come to hand or else wasting time in TV-saturated delirium. However, when I have a day which is filled with activity, a tiny sense of peace is gained from the fact of completing tasks which one has wanted to do for a while now.
I think it's easy to take accomplishments for granted: to moan about the amount of work we have or to be annoyed that there just don't seem to be enough hours in the day. However, I also find that if I can approach tasks in small bits, the feeling of accomplishment is ongoing as the little bits get finished. We are meant to be creative, I feel, to participate in the making of our world and of ourselves, and when we drift away from this path, we become depressed and sullen. I know that I do, anyway. Boredom, I've discovered, is not usually because there is nothing to do, but it is rather a hunger to be doing something. It's what happens when the human need to create and to contribute is taken away.
So, those are my thoughts upon accomplishment and the sense of peace that it can bring.
Deo Gratias!
To feel a sense of accomplishment is a thing joyous indeed! I often forget that this feeling is possible as I drift through my day, doing whatever may come to hand or else wasting time in TV-saturated delirium. However, when I have a day which is filled with activity, a tiny sense of peace is gained from the fact of completing tasks which one has wanted to do for a while now.
I think it's easy to take accomplishments for granted: to moan about the amount of work we have or to be annoyed that there just don't seem to be enough hours in the day. However, I also find that if I can approach tasks in small bits, the feeling of accomplishment is ongoing as the little bits get finished. We are meant to be creative, I feel, to participate in the making of our world and of ourselves, and when we drift away from this path, we become depressed and sullen. I know that I do, anyway. Boredom, I've discovered, is not usually because there is nothing to do, but it is rather a hunger to be doing something. It's what happens when the human need to create and to contribute is taken away.
So, those are my thoughts upon accomplishment and the sense of peace that it can bring.
Deo Gratias!
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Picking Up the Threads of Life
Benedicamus Domino!
One of the myriad of reasons for my beginning the emotional and spiritual journey which I am attempting to trace in this blog is to find something which I think I have let myself lose along life's rocky road. This thing is a conscious and waking love of the beautiful and the good things in this world, and moreover a conscious wish to contribute to their creation and preservation. I once, perhaps arogantly, considered myself to be a bard, a person who used music and word to tell stories and to bring to light truths both ancient and timeless. But it was another who gave me the courage to think of myself in this light, for he was a smith, a teller of tales, and a lover of trees and stars. He was a man born out of time, I'm sure, with a bright and deep soul and a heart which, though wounded and scarred, sought what my heart sought: companionship and love.
This man was Daniel Paul Buchanan, and it was his self-assurance which taught me how to value the gifts that I have been given in this life. However, when he died, I began to view myself again as nothing significant, as merely a young and frightened girl who wept and screamed to the darkness of night for her world to make sense again. I ceased, almost without knowing it, to really think of myself as a musician or a bard, and whenever I caught myself thinking the old and lofty thoughts, I felt guilty and suppressed them. Life with Dan was a happy dream from which, I really began to believe, I had been awakened just in time so that "real life" could go on as it had always been meant to do.
This, however, is an incorrect assumption, and it is time for me to pick up the old threads which I have let drop. I am an artist. I can be an artist. I need not feel guilty about pursuing my music or my writing. It's true that to call myself a bard is likely too pretentious, for I was never taught as the ancient bards of many cultures were taught, but I do feel very strongly that I need to be a creative person again, and I need to do it for my own fulfillment as well as for whatever my efforts might bring to others.
My real attitude toward my own creativity, especially on the musical front, came home to me a few months ago, when someone gave me various suggestions for poetry which could be set to music. This person viewed it as natural that I would be looking for such things, and I was forced to come to terms with the fact that I had let that side of me languish once my first album had been completed. Oh, a few songs had been composed in the intervening years, but nothing too serious and nothing with an eye to creating a second album. I had to ask myself why this was, and it was then that I realized that for many years now, I have been trying to distance myself from the girl I used to be: the girl who was not afraid to approach music and song-writing as serious occupations and who, while intending merely to make a demo tape to show to perspective producers and the like, took the bull by the horns and decided to just go ahead and make an entire album.
I never realized till now how much Dan's presence in my life had inspired me to do this, but it did. His attitude rubbed off on me, I suppose, but after he died, I began to revert to type again, though I really shouldn't do this. I need to do what I need to do. Trees do not swim, nor does water flow uphill, and I without being creative am not myself. I do not have joy in my life if I cannot work to make beautiful things. So, I have decided to stop underselling myself and just live the way I want and need to live, no matter what others think. As a result of this decision, I have finally, after many years, written another musical setting to a lovely poem by Walter De la Mare. I've had the poem hovering in my brain for five months or so, and finally, glory to God, it has become a song. Here is a link to the poem: A Song of Enchantment./
I must find the broken pieces of myself and put them back together, and one of those pieces is my love and longing to create: to write, to sing, to play and to compose. To do otherwise is to deny what God has given me, and I've been doing this for far too long. Well, no more!
Deo Gratias!
One of the myriad of reasons for my beginning the emotional and spiritual journey which I am attempting to trace in this blog is to find something which I think I have let myself lose along life's rocky road. This thing is a conscious and waking love of the beautiful and the good things in this world, and moreover a conscious wish to contribute to their creation and preservation. I once, perhaps arogantly, considered myself to be a bard, a person who used music and word to tell stories and to bring to light truths both ancient and timeless. But it was another who gave me the courage to think of myself in this light, for he was a smith, a teller of tales, and a lover of trees and stars. He was a man born out of time, I'm sure, with a bright and deep soul and a heart which, though wounded and scarred, sought what my heart sought: companionship and love.
This man was Daniel Paul Buchanan, and it was his self-assurance which taught me how to value the gifts that I have been given in this life. However, when he died, I began to view myself again as nothing significant, as merely a young and frightened girl who wept and screamed to the darkness of night for her world to make sense again. I ceased, almost without knowing it, to really think of myself as a musician or a bard, and whenever I caught myself thinking the old and lofty thoughts, I felt guilty and suppressed them. Life with Dan was a happy dream from which, I really began to believe, I had been awakened just in time so that "real life" could go on as it had always been meant to do.
This, however, is an incorrect assumption, and it is time for me to pick up the old threads which I have let drop. I am an artist. I can be an artist. I need not feel guilty about pursuing my music or my writing. It's true that to call myself a bard is likely too pretentious, for I was never taught as the ancient bards of many cultures were taught, but I do feel very strongly that I need to be a creative person again, and I need to do it for my own fulfillment as well as for whatever my efforts might bring to others.
My real attitude toward my own creativity, especially on the musical front, came home to me a few months ago, when someone gave me various suggestions for poetry which could be set to music. This person viewed it as natural that I would be looking for such things, and I was forced to come to terms with the fact that I had let that side of me languish once my first album had been completed. Oh, a few songs had been composed in the intervening years, but nothing too serious and nothing with an eye to creating a second album. I had to ask myself why this was, and it was then that I realized that for many years now, I have been trying to distance myself from the girl I used to be: the girl who was not afraid to approach music and song-writing as serious occupations and who, while intending merely to make a demo tape to show to perspective producers and the like, took the bull by the horns and decided to just go ahead and make an entire album.
I never realized till now how much Dan's presence in my life had inspired me to do this, but it did. His attitude rubbed off on me, I suppose, but after he died, I began to revert to type again, though I really shouldn't do this. I need to do what I need to do. Trees do not swim, nor does water flow uphill, and I without being creative am not myself. I do not have joy in my life if I cannot work to make beautiful things. So, I have decided to stop underselling myself and just live the way I want and need to live, no matter what others think. As a result of this decision, I have finally, after many years, written another musical setting to a lovely poem by Walter De la Mare. I've had the poem hovering in my brain for five months or so, and finally, glory to God, it has become a song. Here is a link to the poem: A Song of Enchantment./
I must find the broken pieces of myself and put them back together, and one of those pieces is my love and longing to create: to write, to sing, to play and to compose. To do otherwise is to deny what God has given me, and I've been doing this for far too long. Well, no more!
Deo Gratias!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Musical Maunderings
Benedicamus Domino!
There can be no doubt but that music is an essential form of cultural expression to every group of humans living on this planet. I have not yet met a culture without its own kind of music and its own meaning or meanings behind music's place in their lives. We seem programmed to find patterns in chaos or to make them if we do not find them. Every culture, for instance, has learned how to make drums and flutes and stringed instruments. Every culture has a way of singing and of putting words to their song. Every culture at its roots is an oral/aural culture, with story, poetry and song needing to be spoken or sung as well as needing to be listened to by an audience.
It is believed that before language, hyrogliphics and pictures were the order of the day, but once sound came to be used as a way of expressing things, music was soon to follow.
For me, music has been a major life interest for as long as I can remember. When I was very young, I recall delighting in making sounds with my voice and hearing how the different sounds vibrated off the walls of my skull. I remember singing along with the radio as though it was the most natural thing in the world. I didn't understand how anyone could be tone-deaf, because for me, music was just there, just something I could do, and so I figured that everyone could do it just as naturally. Still, I was not always very musical. I did begin my long and intimate love affair with the piano by banging unceremoniously on any of the eighty-eight keys which came under my hands, whether they were on my mother's piano in our living room, or my grandmother's piano in her large and lovely rec-room.
Still, as time went on, I gradually learned that there was a method to how the keys were placed, and soon, with the aid of my first piano teacher, I learned to use the keys more correctly, and even to go beyond what she was teaching me. Suddenly, what was chaotic made sense. What was once just a large noise-maker became a medium through which I could create tapestries of rhythm and sound. Of course, this grand and lofty thought was not for a six-year-old's mind, but after many years of threatening to quit the piano, I suddenly fell in love with it. It suddenly became mine to command, rather than a huge monster with which I had to fight every day.
And no, before you ask, I am not a fine concert pianist, nor do I recall how to play much of the classical music I learned when I was a girl, but the piano is still for me a huge source of joy. I know when I've been away from it too long, because I feel all restless and my fingers almost itch with a need to just sit downstairs--not, alas, on a real and living piano (for I do consider them as being somehow alive, alive with the memory of all the hands which have touched them and all the music played on them)--but on a digital piano. Its touch is very lifelike, and even its sound is very right and proper, but well, it doesn't smell of wood oil or of that peculiar sharp scent of--well--discipline. That's what I think of when I sit at a real piano and feel my fingers commanding the hammers to strike the strings and smell that lovely scent of polish and pride.
If there's one thing that playing the piano has taught me, it is the right kind of pride. There is a good kind of pride, and it is the pride that is self-forgetful. One takes pride in the music that one is priveleged to play. One takes pride in the mastery with which one's teachers have guided one. One takes pride in the sweet and lovely tones of the beautiful concert grand that one is permitted to use, and then, when all else is taken into account, one lets a little pride fall upon one's own head like sweet drops of rain. The performance is over, but the best thing of all is that the piece has not yet been mastered. It, in fact, can never be mastered, because it is a thing of quicksilver which is always changing under the hands which play it.
My best piano teacher and the teacher I spent the longest time with did me a great favour for which I don't think I've ever thanked him properly. He never praised me undeservingly. His most common comment after I played a piece for him was: "Well, it's coming." I used to hate that phrase. I wanted him to congratulate me. I wanted him to acknowledge my work. However, the times he congratulated me fully, though few and far between, were always honest and were always completely sincere. He gave me a sense of self-worth that few others could have given me. He made me realize that to do something well took practice and also guts. He found ways past my various guards and walls and showed me how to put my heart into my music, and for that, I shall always be immeasurably grateful to him.
It's true that I have drifted away from the classical music over which he and I used to agonize, laugh, roar and sweat, but with every new thing I try, I always hear his voice saying: "Well, it's coming," and I keep trying that much harder, because I know what it's like to do something well and to be praised for it by someone who sincerely means what he says. It is true that I have lately lost that sense of hard work and guts which he instilled into me, but I mean to get it back, and music is a way for me to do it. I'm glad that I have not lost my love for both listening to and creating good music, and I intend to go on doing both for as long as I live, even if no one ever knows anything about it. Glory to God for all things!
Deo Gratias!
There can be no doubt but that music is an essential form of cultural expression to every group of humans living on this planet. I have not yet met a culture without its own kind of music and its own meaning or meanings behind music's place in their lives. We seem programmed to find patterns in chaos or to make them if we do not find them. Every culture, for instance, has learned how to make drums and flutes and stringed instruments. Every culture has a way of singing and of putting words to their song. Every culture at its roots is an oral/aural culture, with story, poetry and song needing to be spoken or sung as well as needing to be listened to by an audience.
It is believed that before language, hyrogliphics and pictures were the order of the day, but once sound came to be used as a way of expressing things, music was soon to follow.
For me, music has been a major life interest for as long as I can remember. When I was very young, I recall delighting in making sounds with my voice and hearing how the different sounds vibrated off the walls of my skull. I remember singing along with the radio as though it was the most natural thing in the world. I didn't understand how anyone could be tone-deaf, because for me, music was just there, just something I could do, and so I figured that everyone could do it just as naturally. Still, I was not always very musical. I did begin my long and intimate love affair with the piano by banging unceremoniously on any of the eighty-eight keys which came under my hands, whether they were on my mother's piano in our living room, or my grandmother's piano in her large and lovely rec-room.
Still, as time went on, I gradually learned that there was a method to how the keys were placed, and soon, with the aid of my first piano teacher, I learned to use the keys more correctly, and even to go beyond what she was teaching me. Suddenly, what was chaotic made sense. What was once just a large noise-maker became a medium through which I could create tapestries of rhythm and sound. Of course, this grand and lofty thought was not for a six-year-old's mind, but after many years of threatening to quit the piano, I suddenly fell in love with it. It suddenly became mine to command, rather than a huge monster with which I had to fight every day.
And no, before you ask, I am not a fine concert pianist, nor do I recall how to play much of the classical music I learned when I was a girl, but the piano is still for me a huge source of joy. I know when I've been away from it too long, because I feel all restless and my fingers almost itch with a need to just sit downstairs--not, alas, on a real and living piano (for I do consider them as being somehow alive, alive with the memory of all the hands which have touched them and all the music played on them)--but on a digital piano. Its touch is very lifelike, and even its sound is very right and proper, but well, it doesn't smell of wood oil or of that peculiar sharp scent of--well--discipline. That's what I think of when I sit at a real piano and feel my fingers commanding the hammers to strike the strings and smell that lovely scent of polish and pride.
If there's one thing that playing the piano has taught me, it is the right kind of pride. There is a good kind of pride, and it is the pride that is self-forgetful. One takes pride in the music that one is priveleged to play. One takes pride in the mastery with which one's teachers have guided one. One takes pride in the sweet and lovely tones of the beautiful concert grand that one is permitted to use, and then, when all else is taken into account, one lets a little pride fall upon one's own head like sweet drops of rain. The performance is over, but the best thing of all is that the piece has not yet been mastered. It, in fact, can never be mastered, because it is a thing of quicksilver which is always changing under the hands which play it.
My best piano teacher and the teacher I spent the longest time with did me a great favour for which I don't think I've ever thanked him properly. He never praised me undeservingly. His most common comment after I played a piece for him was: "Well, it's coming." I used to hate that phrase. I wanted him to congratulate me. I wanted him to acknowledge my work. However, the times he congratulated me fully, though few and far between, were always honest and were always completely sincere. He gave me a sense of self-worth that few others could have given me. He made me realize that to do something well took practice and also guts. He found ways past my various guards and walls and showed me how to put my heart into my music, and for that, I shall always be immeasurably grateful to him.
It's true that I have drifted away from the classical music over which he and I used to agonize, laugh, roar and sweat, but with every new thing I try, I always hear his voice saying: "Well, it's coming," and I keep trying that much harder, because I know what it's like to do something well and to be praised for it by someone who sincerely means what he says. It is true that I have lately lost that sense of hard work and guts which he instilled into me, but I mean to get it back, and music is a way for me to do it. I'm glad that I have not lost my love for both listening to and creating good music, and I intend to go on doing both for as long as I live, even if no one ever knows anything about it. Glory to God for all things!
Deo Gratias!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Feasting Soberly
Benedicamus Domino!
There is a teaching in Orthodox Christianity that everything should be done moderately, even feasting during the week after Easter. Just as when we fast, we don't generally cut out all foods, when we feast, we ought not to forget why we're feasting and simply fill the belly. Fasting and feasting are both meant to be looked at as spiritually as possible. We fast as a way to help us to calm our desires and to make our hearts more peaceful. This really does happen in my experience. If I spend a day or a week or several weeks fasting from animal products and such, it makes me feel less bound up in my body and its needs and more able to focus on praying and doing other spiritually beneficial activities.
However, feasting has its place as well. Feasting is for us a bodily incarnation of our spiritual reward, of the love and mercy and bounty of God. However, does this mean that we have to overindulge and fill our bellies to repletion? Personally, I don't think so. What I do think is that eating more mindfully is the key, at least for me. Let others do as they wish, and certainly, do not go hungry when a feast is before you.
However, here is a very practical tip for eating more mindfully, and I find that this actually works. If I eat while I'm distracted from the process of eating by TV or some other form of entertainment, I tend to eat more quickly and to shovel more food into my mouth than I do when I'm actually thinking about what I'm eating. When I try consciously to be aware of how I'm eating, of the act of putting food into my mouth, I tend to take smaller bites, to eat more slowly, and consequently to become full while having consumed less food. It is said that it takes the brain twenty minutes to process the fact that the body has had enough food, so if I give it that chance, it is more likely to happen with a smaller portion of food when I am eating more slowly and carefully. The times that I ask for second helpings of a meal are always and without acception the times when I eat the first helping very quickly and without paying attention to it. This, incidentally, is what restaurants count on when they conceive of their large appetizer platters and their enormous desserts which are piled higher and built bigger than any human-sized dessert should be! I know that I still have a long way to go, but I for one want to stop the madness! I want to actually listen to my body and its needs regarding food, rather than satisfying some strange desire to fill myself so that there is no emptiness anywhere within me. I think that on some level, food is for me a substitute for personal fulfillment, and I can see why the church fathers spent so much time talking about Gluttony as the basis for all other vices or passions.
Gluttony can hide all the other passions from view by its all-pervading nature. It can also pretend to be a solution to the other passions. Getting the food that we crave will, we think at least, help our acquisitive nature or our greed. Eating food can sometimes be used as a dulling agent for anger. Are you despondent? Eat some chocolate! Are you very proud of an accomplishment--I mean self-congratulatory about it in an overblown way? Eat food to celebrate! There's just so much that an overdependence on food can get in the way of!
And for me the worst thing of all about my love affair with the wrong kinds of food is that I cease to be grateful for what I eat. I cease to be grateful for anything that I have in this life, and it all begins with my attitude towards food.
So, while I can't promise that I will eat food always with no distractions, I am going to try very hard to be mindful of what I'm eating and to let my body tell me when it's full, rather than simply gorging myself until I can gorge no more. For it is this more peaceful relationship with food which will, in the end, dispose my body, mind and spirit to receive joy in a more awakened way, and I will be able consciously and meaningfully to say:
Deo Gratias!
There is a teaching in Orthodox Christianity that everything should be done moderately, even feasting during the week after Easter. Just as when we fast, we don't generally cut out all foods, when we feast, we ought not to forget why we're feasting and simply fill the belly. Fasting and feasting are both meant to be looked at as spiritually as possible. We fast as a way to help us to calm our desires and to make our hearts more peaceful. This really does happen in my experience. If I spend a day or a week or several weeks fasting from animal products and such, it makes me feel less bound up in my body and its needs and more able to focus on praying and doing other spiritually beneficial activities.
However, feasting has its place as well. Feasting is for us a bodily incarnation of our spiritual reward, of the love and mercy and bounty of God. However, does this mean that we have to overindulge and fill our bellies to repletion? Personally, I don't think so. What I do think is that eating more mindfully is the key, at least for me. Let others do as they wish, and certainly, do not go hungry when a feast is before you.
However, here is a very practical tip for eating more mindfully, and I find that this actually works. If I eat while I'm distracted from the process of eating by TV or some other form of entertainment, I tend to eat more quickly and to shovel more food into my mouth than I do when I'm actually thinking about what I'm eating. When I try consciously to be aware of how I'm eating, of the act of putting food into my mouth, I tend to take smaller bites, to eat more slowly, and consequently to become full while having consumed less food. It is said that it takes the brain twenty minutes to process the fact that the body has had enough food, so if I give it that chance, it is more likely to happen with a smaller portion of food when I am eating more slowly and carefully. The times that I ask for second helpings of a meal are always and without acception the times when I eat the first helping very quickly and without paying attention to it. This, incidentally, is what restaurants count on when they conceive of their large appetizer platters and their enormous desserts which are piled higher and built bigger than any human-sized dessert should be! I know that I still have a long way to go, but I for one want to stop the madness! I want to actually listen to my body and its needs regarding food, rather than satisfying some strange desire to fill myself so that there is no emptiness anywhere within me. I think that on some level, food is for me a substitute for personal fulfillment, and I can see why the church fathers spent so much time talking about Gluttony as the basis for all other vices or passions.
Gluttony can hide all the other passions from view by its all-pervading nature. It can also pretend to be a solution to the other passions. Getting the food that we crave will, we think at least, help our acquisitive nature or our greed. Eating food can sometimes be used as a dulling agent for anger. Are you despondent? Eat some chocolate! Are you very proud of an accomplishment--I mean self-congratulatory about it in an overblown way? Eat food to celebrate! There's just so much that an overdependence on food can get in the way of!
And for me the worst thing of all about my love affair with the wrong kinds of food is that I cease to be grateful for what I eat. I cease to be grateful for anything that I have in this life, and it all begins with my attitude towards food.
So, while I can't promise that I will eat food always with no distractions, I am going to try very hard to be mindful of what I'm eating and to let my body tell me when it's full, rather than simply gorging myself until I can gorge no more. For it is this more peaceful relationship with food which will, in the end, dispose my body, mind and spirit to receive joy in a more awakened way, and I will be able consciously and meaningfully to say:
Deo Gratias!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Fresh Air, Fresh Mind!
Benedicamus Domino!
It has been shown in various studies that walking, especially out of doors, can improve thinking and clarify decision-making. There's something about the steady rhythm of the feet that calms the brain's activity and makes it flow more naturally. I do not walk out very often, though I certainly can do this any time I wish to, and I love doing it when I am in the midst of it. However, something always seems to prevent me from venturing out, and it's nothing more than simple enertia. Why go out when you can stay in?
The real question should be: why stay in when you can go out? While it's true that I must put up with an urban landscape with cars roaring past and people everywhere, there is still something calming and uplifting to be engaging in the flow of life. It is true that walking in the woods or along a country road or through a meadow might be more to my liking, but there's not much I can do about that on a daily basis.
I remember when I stayed with my sister in BC for two months. We used to take her dog out on weekends to different woods or beaches. (She lived in Victoria, so there were lots of these on the island.) There is a real energy to be found in these spots of natural beauty, especially where there are lots of trees. For some reason, the sighing of wind through trees is one of the most soothing sounds to my mind, next only to waves breaking on a sandy or rocky beach.
But even in the city there is natural life going on. Birds build nests and seek food. Bugs fly and crawl and inch their way through life. There are ways to seek the forest behind the bricks and morter, and I intend to do this more regularly than I have of late.
I recall a perfect evening stroll I took once. It was just after a rather hard rain, and I took my dog--not the guide dog I have now but a little pet dog that we had--out for a walk. There was a storm-sewer near our house and it was flowing strongly with runoff from the rain, and it sounded just like a stream flowing. I stood a while and listened to it, and I thought that it was the sweetest sound I had ever heard, because it was spring and the water was now flowing where there had once been snow. Even in the city, I found a tiny speck of nature, a tiny proof that life on this earth was not all barren streets and grit and dust, and this was from the simple sound of water flowing through a man-made pipe.
I want to learn to feel the weather, to determine what the world is doing. I want to learn to feel the rhythms of life under my very feet. It may be a fallen world, but it is God's gift to us, and I must learn to live in it as an active participant rather than as merely a spectator, and one way in which I can do this is to engage in physical activities which force me to be outside in the open air and not merely spend my life indoors. I pray that this plan is successful, and that I can spend some time each day looking for the green beneath the grime.
Deo Gratias!
It has been shown in various studies that walking, especially out of doors, can improve thinking and clarify decision-making. There's something about the steady rhythm of the feet that calms the brain's activity and makes it flow more naturally. I do not walk out very often, though I certainly can do this any time I wish to, and I love doing it when I am in the midst of it. However, something always seems to prevent me from venturing out, and it's nothing more than simple enertia. Why go out when you can stay in?
The real question should be: why stay in when you can go out? While it's true that I must put up with an urban landscape with cars roaring past and people everywhere, there is still something calming and uplifting to be engaging in the flow of life. It is true that walking in the woods or along a country road or through a meadow might be more to my liking, but there's not much I can do about that on a daily basis.
I remember when I stayed with my sister in BC for two months. We used to take her dog out on weekends to different woods or beaches. (She lived in Victoria, so there were lots of these on the island.) There is a real energy to be found in these spots of natural beauty, especially where there are lots of trees. For some reason, the sighing of wind through trees is one of the most soothing sounds to my mind, next only to waves breaking on a sandy or rocky beach.
But even in the city there is natural life going on. Birds build nests and seek food. Bugs fly and crawl and inch their way through life. There are ways to seek the forest behind the bricks and morter, and I intend to do this more regularly than I have of late.
I recall a perfect evening stroll I took once. It was just after a rather hard rain, and I took my dog--not the guide dog I have now but a little pet dog that we had--out for a walk. There was a storm-sewer near our house and it was flowing strongly with runoff from the rain, and it sounded just like a stream flowing. I stood a while and listened to it, and I thought that it was the sweetest sound I had ever heard, because it was spring and the water was now flowing where there had once been snow. Even in the city, I found a tiny speck of nature, a tiny proof that life on this earth was not all barren streets and grit and dust, and this was from the simple sound of water flowing through a man-made pipe.
I want to learn to feel the weather, to determine what the world is doing. I want to learn to feel the rhythms of life under my very feet. It may be a fallen world, but it is God's gift to us, and I must learn to live in it as an active participant rather than as merely a spectator, and one way in which I can do this is to engage in physical activities which force me to be outside in the open air and not merely spend my life indoors. I pray that this plan is successful, and that I can spend some time each day looking for the green beneath the grime.
Deo Gratias!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Seeing Time for What it Is
Benedicamus Domino!
A key thing to living a joyful and eucharistic life is to look at time not as a thing possessed by us but as a gift given to us. Time for me has always been something which I have wasted. My motto has always been: "procrastinate now," and so I have done, putting off till tomorrow what I could have done sooner and without so much anguish and stress. Oh, it is true that I have made a game of it, trying to outwit time and seeing how quickly I could get something done at the last minute, and unfortunately for me, evidence has supported my theory that I work well under pressure. Of course, the real meaning of the good marks and the "well done"s on reports and the like is that they would have been better marks if I had worked more steadily.
So, one of the things that I am trying to do with each day is to look at it as a block of time in which things should be done, rather than a block of time which is mine to use as I choose. Of course, giving myself free time is not out of the question, but learning to see time as a valuable resource and a precious thing is necessary for many reasons over and above the one just mentioned of ceasing to procrastinate.
Firstly, time as I know it is not reality. This is a fervent belief that I have. Time is reality which is given to us in little chunks so that we can perceive it. If we were to see the whole of reality without the filter of days and nights, hours and minutes to protect us, we would basically cease to exist, or at the very least go stark raving mad with the awesomeness of what reality really is. Now, stay with me here. My belief is that reality is dynamic, infinite and always and eternally present. Everything is perceivable at once in reality, in the true reality that we can't see. We have been given time therefore to make reality more manageable for sundered and broken senses to perceive, for this sundering was an effect of the fall. Paradise wasn't just a garden with thornless roses. It was so much more than that! It was God with man, God present on earth and man able to taste something of God's eternity. Once the fall happened, it is said that Paradise was too painful for man to be in now that he had made himself weak by taking too soon what would have been offered him by God at a future time. Still, what's done is done, so we now live in time and subject to its influence upon us.
However, if we can learn to view it as neither an enemy nor a thing to be squandered heedlessly, we will be able to make a friend of time, to consecrate it and make it as eternally present as possible. The key here is attitude. Worrying overmuch about the future is not going to help. While it is true that planning for the future is a good thing, it is not good to put all our trust in those plans. Now is the time when we should be living, though not in a heedless way. It's moderation which must hold sway here, for epicurian pleasure-seeking is not the way to value time more, but rather seeking to please the deep self, the soul, the centre of our being.
Time came to us when we were given the mercy of death, as I believe. We were given death as an aid to our fallen nature, for if we had remained immortal after we corrupted ourselves, we would never have been able to escape that fall. We would merely have kept on growing, but in a crooked way, and our decay would not have been fleshly but within the soul. We would, in short, have become fallen beings like the demons, for nothing would have checked our progress into evil and cruelty. So death, while not truly natural to humanity, was given as a mercy, and so time became important to us.
I, therefore, if I am to find the joy in life, must both learn to live in the moment but also have a consciousness that one day my body will cease to exist and my soul will be the thing that meets God. So, it is important for me to treat my body with respect, as it is a sacred thing, but also to realize that it is not the only aspect of me, that my soul must also be treated with love and attention and not be left to languish in the dark and dust of human sin and decay. The only way to do this is to consciously work to acknowledge those things which get in the way of peace and joy and to root them out. Anger, pride, acquisitiveness, gluttony, idleness, despondency, spiritual malaise and vainglory are all sicknesses peculiar to the ego, the little "me" that is created as we grow older in this world, and believing that time is our own is also an illness of individualism. I want to change this about myself. I want all that does not bear good fruit in myself to be killed off. In fact, I need this to happen, and it is only God's help that can accomplish this fully. I can begin it, but He must bring it to perfection.
I once had a dream. It was a dream of true joy. I was a child when I had it, and I actually recall versions of it sprinkled throughout my childhood. I toiled up a mountain in hot, burning sun, and then I began to go down the other side, and I came to a gate. It was an ordinary garden gate, and when I opened it and went through, I found myself in a pleasant meadow of short, springy grass. There was a stream in the meadow that I could hear, and the breeze was cool but not cold. There was a mist in the air and it was slightly humid but not sticky, and I felt wonderful after having been in the hot sun. I lay on my back and just enjoyed, and later when I woke up, I called this meadow Cloud Land. I've never come there since childhood, but I think I once had a dream that told me how I might get there, or how I might find whatever Cloud Land symbolized for me as a child.
This dream happened when I was an adult, and I recall it vividly. I was with two other people, and we were dressed up against a chilly wind, and we all were trying to push a shopping cart up a steep hill. It was an ordinary grocery cart. Well, as we walked along, we got warm, so we took off our coats and put them into the cart. The cart had been empty before this. So then, we had to remove sweaters because of being warm. Then as we went, we removed long-sleeved shirts, and we kept removing layers till we were in T-shirts. Then, when we got to a certain point, they decided to turn back, but I knew I had to go on, and the day was very hot and I was very thirsty, but I left them there and pushed the cart alone, and somehow I knew that if I could get to the point of removing the last layer of clothing, I would be free of impediments, as free as I was when I was a child. However, of course, I woke up just as I had this revelation, but I think that the dream contained a powerful truth. We can't simply mire ourselves in our own way of doing things. We can't shy away from the journey of life simply because it seems difficult, and there will be times of testing when we will have to make choices that are difficult, but it is a fact that we must be forever confronting ourselves and discarding parts which are dead or dying, which are diseased or broken, because if we discard those things, God will change them into true and living parts and return them to us. This corruptible will put on incorruption, and this mortal will put on immortality!
So, I must learn that to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under Heaven, but that these times and seasons will never be mine to order, no matter how much I might like to do so. As ever, may God help!
Deo Gratias!
A key thing to living a joyful and eucharistic life is to look at time not as a thing possessed by us but as a gift given to us. Time for me has always been something which I have wasted. My motto has always been: "procrastinate now," and so I have done, putting off till tomorrow what I could have done sooner and without so much anguish and stress. Oh, it is true that I have made a game of it, trying to outwit time and seeing how quickly I could get something done at the last minute, and unfortunately for me, evidence has supported my theory that I work well under pressure. Of course, the real meaning of the good marks and the "well done"s on reports and the like is that they would have been better marks if I had worked more steadily.
So, one of the things that I am trying to do with each day is to look at it as a block of time in which things should be done, rather than a block of time which is mine to use as I choose. Of course, giving myself free time is not out of the question, but learning to see time as a valuable resource and a precious thing is necessary for many reasons over and above the one just mentioned of ceasing to procrastinate.
Firstly, time as I know it is not reality. This is a fervent belief that I have. Time is reality which is given to us in little chunks so that we can perceive it. If we were to see the whole of reality without the filter of days and nights, hours and minutes to protect us, we would basically cease to exist, or at the very least go stark raving mad with the awesomeness of what reality really is. Now, stay with me here. My belief is that reality is dynamic, infinite and always and eternally present. Everything is perceivable at once in reality, in the true reality that we can't see. We have been given time therefore to make reality more manageable for sundered and broken senses to perceive, for this sundering was an effect of the fall. Paradise wasn't just a garden with thornless roses. It was so much more than that! It was God with man, God present on earth and man able to taste something of God's eternity. Once the fall happened, it is said that Paradise was too painful for man to be in now that he had made himself weak by taking too soon what would have been offered him by God at a future time. Still, what's done is done, so we now live in time and subject to its influence upon us.
However, if we can learn to view it as neither an enemy nor a thing to be squandered heedlessly, we will be able to make a friend of time, to consecrate it and make it as eternally present as possible. The key here is attitude. Worrying overmuch about the future is not going to help. While it is true that planning for the future is a good thing, it is not good to put all our trust in those plans. Now is the time when we should be living, though not in a heedless way. It's moderation which must hold sway here, for epicurian pleasure-seeking is not the way to value time more, but rather seeking to please the deep self, the soul, the centre of our being.
Time came to us when we were given the mercy of death, as I believe. We were given death as an aid to our fallen nature, for if we had remained immortal after we corrupted ourselves, we would never have been able to escape that fall. We would merely have kept on growing, but in a crooked way, and our decay would not have been fleshly but within the soul. We would, in short, have become fallen beings like the demons, for nothing would have checked our progress into evil and cruelty. So death, while not truly natural to humanity, was given as a mercy, and so time became important to us.
I, therefore, if I am to find the joy in life, must both learn to live in the moment but also have a consciousness that one day my body will cease to exist and my soul will be the thing that meets God. So, it is important for me to treat my body with respect, as it is a sacred thing, but also to realize that it is not the only aspect of me, that my soul must also be treated with love and attention and not be left to languish in the dark and dust of human sin and decay. The only way to do this is to consciously work to acknowledge those things which get in the way of peace and joy and to root them out. Anger, pride, acquisitiveness, gluttony, idleness, despondency, spiritual malaise and vainglory are all sicknesses peculiar to the ego, the little "me" that is created as we grow older in this world, and believing that time is our own is also an illness of individualism. I want to change this about myself. I want all that does not bear good fruit in myself to be killed off. In fact, I need this to happen, and it is only God's help that can accomplish this fully. I can begin it, but He must bring it to perfection.
I once had a dream. It was a dream of true joy. I was a child when I had it, and I actually recall versions of it sprinkled throughout my childhood. I toiled up a mountain in hot, burning sun, and then I began to go down the other side, and I came to a gate. It was an ordinary garden gate, and when I opened it and went through, I found myself in a pleasant meadow of short, springy grass. There was a stream in the meadow that I could hear, and the breeze was cool but not cold. There was a mist in the air and it was slightly humid but not sticky, and I felt wonderful after having been in the hot sun. I lay on my back and just enjoyed, and later when I woke up, I called this meadow Cloud Land. I've never come there since childhood, but I think I once had a dream that told me how I might get there, or how I might find whatever Cloud Land symbolized for me as a child.
This dream happened when I was an adult, and I recall it vividly. I was with two other people, and we were dressed up against a chilly wind, and we all were trying to push a shopping cart up a steep hill. It was an ordinary grocery cart. Well, as we walked along, we got warm, so we took off our coats and put them into the cart. The cart had been empty before this. So then, we had to remove sweaters because of being warm. Then as we went, we removed long-sleeved shirts, and we kept removing layers till we were in T-shirts. Then, when we got to a certain point, they decided to turn back, but I knew I had to go on, and the day was very hot and I was very thirsty, but I left them there and pushed the cart alone, and somehow I knew that if I could get to the point of removing the last layer of clothing, I would be free of impediments, as free as I was when I was a child. However, of course, I woke up just as I had this revelation, but I think that the dream contained a powerful truth. We can't simply mire ourselves in our own way of doing things. We can't shy away from the journey of life simply because it seems difficult, and there will be times of testing when we will have to make choices that are difficult, but it is a fact that we must be forever confronting ourselves and discarding parts which are dead or dying, which are diseased or broken, because if we discard those things, God will change them into true and living parts and return them to us. This corruptible will put on incorruption, and this mortal will put on immortality!
So, I must learn that to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under Heaven, but that these times and seasons will never be mine to order, no matter how much I might like to do so. As ever, may God help!
Deo Gratias!
Monday, April 16, 2012
Joy and Peace
Benedicamus Domino!
As I continue to ponder what the word "joy" means in my life, I realize that a necessary beginning of joy is peace. I must try to live peacefully soas to have a body, mind and spirit which are disposed to the noticing of joy, and this cannot happen when worries and fears are overcoming me. When I worry or am frightened, one of the things I tend to do is to eat unhealthy foods with little or no true neutrition in them, and this does not help my body. When my body weakens, it finds it difficult to fight off diseases or pains or what-have-you, and moreover, this can upset the balance of chemicals in the brain. However, my beliefs teach me that everything does have a spiritual root, so the surest way to live a more peaceful and centred life is to fulfill my hungering spirit, and this can be done in a number of ways. First, prayer is essential, and not just structured services of prayer, but a kind of prayer which is meditative. The Jesus Prayer comes to mind: a few short words which can be repeated with the lips or in the mind and which can centre one even in a small way very quickly. "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner," is the way that I usually say it, but there are variations of it as well. It is meant to be something that one doesn't have to think about very intensely. I mean, it does not have to be read from a book. Some people have used it to attain a very high state of contemplation, but these have generally been monastics who have had competent teachers to guide them. Most of us simply use it as a way to focus all of the self on the act of praying to God so that maybe one day, we might be able to pray always, some part of us repeating that prayer no matter what we're doing. Though again, this is not something to be approached in a really intensive way unless someone can guide and support the seeker.
Me, I just want to promote some kind of peace in my life, and the best way to do this is to set aside some time each day when I can simply be alone and pray, read fulfilling books, listen to music which sets my spirit soaring, and generally give myself scope for seeing the joyful mysteries of life which are all around me and which I often overlook when I'm caught up in worries and fears of daily life. In short, I am a Christian, so it's time I start actively seeking Christ's help in my life, as He is for me the Source and Fountain of Life.
Deo Gratias!
As I continue to ponder what the word "joy" means in my life, I realize that a necessary beginning of joy is peace. I must try to live peacefully soas to have a body, mind and spirit which are disposed to the noticing of joy, and this cannot happen when worries and fears are overcoming me. When I worry or am frightened, one of the things I tend to do is to eat unhealthy foods with little or no true neutrition in them, and this does not help my body. When my body weakens, it finds it difficult to fight off diseases or pains or what-have-you, and moreover, this can upset the balance of chemicals in the brain. However, my beliefs teach me that everything does have a spiritual root, so the surest way to live a more peaceful and centred life is to fulfill my hungering spirit, and this can be done in a number of ways. First, prayer is essential, and not just structured services of prayer, but a kind of prayer which is meditative. The Jesus Prayer comes to mind: a few short words which can be repeated with the lips or in the mind and which can centre one even in a small way very quickly. "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner," is the way that I usually say it, but there are variations of it as well. It is meant to be something that one doesn't have to think about very intensely. I mean, it does not have to be read from a book. Some people have used it to attain a very high state of contemplation, but these have generally been monastics who have had competent teachers to guide them. Most of us simply use it as a way to focus all of the self on the act of praying to God so that maybe one day, we might be able to pray always, some part of us repeating that prayer no matter what we're doing. Though again, this is not something to be approached in a really intensive way unless someone can guide and support the seeker.
Me, I just want to promote some kind of peace in my life, and the best way to do this is to set aside some time each day when I can simply be alone and pray, read fulfilling books, listen to music which sets my spirit soaring, and generally give myself scope for seeing the joyful mysteries of life which are all around me and which I often overlook when I'm caught up in worries and fears of daily life. In short, I am a Christian, so it's time I start actively seeking Christ's help in my life, as He is for me the Source and Fountain of Life.
Deo Gratias!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
The joy of all joys!
Benedicamus Domino!
Today is the day of Easter or Pascha in the Orthodox Church, and again I have felt the tangible and amazing joy of this day realized in my own self. The services which I attended throughout Holy Week and which preceded the actual celebration of Christ's resurrection from the dead had a lot to do with this incarnation of joy, precisely because they were so solemn and experiencial. The thing I love about Orthodox Christianity is that it has not lost the sense of Mystery which is present in Pagan faiths, the sense that we really need to enter into the truth and reality of the events in Christ's life. Now, you may ask what need there is to do this. Why should we experience all the doom and gloom of the Passion and Burial? Why can't we just focus on the joy of the Resurrection? Well, a friend and I were talking about this the other day, and he pointed the reason out to me in a very true and meaningful way. I mean, I had understood it before in my brain, but I think that for the first time, I truly got it in my heart and my soul.
He was saying that for many years, the nature of why Christ had to die on the cross for our sins had puzzled him, but now, finally, he understood. Christ showed us the way. By dying in the flesh, by suffering what He suffered, he was showing us the way to overcome the fallen world into which we have been born. It is written that on the day of Christ's Crucifiction, the veil of the temple was torn in two, and it is interpreted by many teachers of the church that this symbolized the tearing of the veil between man and God, the veil of our own will and our own ego that was put there by us when we fell. Moreover, we could say it is put there as we live in this world. We all erect it by becoming little godlets and wanting things all our own way.
However, the idea of the church is that it is our right state to be with God, to work in concert with Him, still keeping our free wills but offering ourselves freely to Him, and again, we come back to living Eucharistically. Christ enabled this synurgistic relationship to exist once again precisely because he passed through the gate of death and destroyed its power. There is a lovely sermon by St. John Chrysostom which we read in the wee hours of Easter morning. It encapsulates this theology perfectly, and it does a superlative job of describing why we as Christians should be joyful on the day of Easter and at all other times of the year, incidentally. Here is the sermon!
THE SERMON OF ST. JOHN CHRYSOSTOM
If any man be devout and loveth God, let him enjoy this fair and radiant triumphal feast. If any man be a wise servant, let him rejoicing enter into the joy of his Lord. If any have labored long in fasting, let him now receive his recompense. If any have wrought from the first hour, let him today receive his just reward. If any have come at the third hour, let him with thankfulness keep the feast.
If any have arrived at the sixth hour, let him have no misgivings; because he shall in nowise be deprived therefor. If any have delayed until the ninth hour, let him draw near, fearing nothing. If any have tarried even until the eleventh hour, let him, also, be not alarmed at his tardiness; for the Lord, who is jealous of his honor, will accept the last even as the first; he giveth rest unto him who cometh at the eleventh hour, even as unto him who hath wrought from the first hour. And he showeth mercy upon the last, and careth for the first; and to the one he giveth, and upon the other he bestoweth gifts. And he both accepteth the deeds, and welcometh the intention, and honoreth the acts and praises the offering.
Wherefore, enter ye all into the joy of your Lord; and receive your reward, both the first, and likewise the second. You rich and poor together, hold high festival. You sober and you heedless, honor the day.
Rejoice today, both you who have fasted and you who have disregarded the fast. The table is full- laden; feast ye all sumptuously. The calf is fatted; let no one go hungry away. Enjoy ye all the feast of faith: Receive ye all the riches of loving-kindness.
Let no one bewail his poverty, for the universal kingdom has been revealed. Let no one weep for his iniquities, for pardon has shone forth from the grave. Let no one fear death, for the Savior's death has set us free. He that was held prisoner of it has annihilated it. By descending into Hell, He made Hell captive. He embittered it when it tasted of His flesh.
And Isaiah, foretelling this, did cry: Hell, said he, was embittered, when it encountered Thee in the lower regions. It was embittered, for it was abolished. It was embittered, for it was mocked. It was embittered, for it was slain. It was embittered, for it was overthrown. It was embittered, for it was fettered in chains.
It took a body, and met God face to face. It took earth, and encountered Heaven. It took that which was seen, and fell upon the unseen.
O Death, where is thy sting? O Hell, where is thy victory? Christ is risen, and thou art overthrown. Christ is risen, and the demons are fallen. Christ is risen, and the angels rejoice. Christ is risen, and life reigns. Christ is risen, and not one dead remains in the grave.
For Christ, being risen from the dead, is become the first-fruits of those who have fallen asleep. To Him be glory and dominion unto ages of ages. Amen.
So, Christ's death and resurrection are meant as sign-posts for the Christian. As we are baptized into Christ's death, so begins the process of dying to the self: the little self which is the ego and which tends to get in the way of anything good in life. Then, once that little ego is overcome, which is usually a life-long journey, by the way, but which is helped and strengthened by Grace, then we enjoy the glory of resurrection, of returning to our proper state, our proper relationship with God which we had from the first. However, this is only the beginning of the story, for beyond that is Theosis, which the fathers of the church teach was always our destiny. We were always meant to share in what God is, to be truly like God, but the fall interrupted that growth. We made ourselves weak and Christ has strengthened us. We made ourselves broken, and by his enduring death, He has given us a way to mend ourselves. Why then should we fear, or why let our hearts be troubled overmuch by the world and all its woes? We simply need to pray and work, to learn to be humble and receptive to God's Grace, and to fully come to terms with the fact that we are broken and in need of help to be mended, and then comes the work, the synergistic work with God to remove all the parts of ourselves which stand in the way of our ability to sacrifice with joy and to give of ourselves to our neighbour and to God, for all true love is sacrificial and eucharistic. All true love is joyful and active, dynamic and living, and we believe that by following Christ and dying to our little selves, our true and deep selves can be gradually revealed, like polishing a dirty mirror.
So, as I close this rather lengthy entry, I will end with the Paschal greeting with which we salute each other throughout the season of Easter:
Christ is risen!!!
Deo Gratias!
Today is the day of Easter or Pascha in the Orthodox Church, and again I have felt the tangible and amazing joy of this day realized in my own self. The services which I attended throughout Holy Week and which preceded the actual celebration of Christ's resurrection from the dead had a lot to do with this incarnation of joy, precisely because they were so solemn and experiencial. The thing I love about Orthodox Christianity is that it has not lost the sense of Mystery which is present in Pagan faiths, the sense that we really need to enter into the truth and reality of the events in Christ's life. Now, you may ask what need there is to do this. Why should we experience all the doom and gloom of the Passion and Burial? Why can't we just focus on the joy of the Resurrection? Well, a friend and I were talking about this the other day, and he pointed the reason out to me in a very true and meaningful way. I mean, I had understood it before in my brain, but I think that for the first time, I truly got it in my heart and my soul.
He was saying that for many years, the nature of why Christ had to die on the cross for our sins had puzzled him, but now, finally, he understood. Christ showed us the way. By dying in the flesh, by suffering what He suffered, he was showing us the way to overcome the fallen world into which we have been born. It is written that on the day of Christ's Crucifiction, the veil of the temple was torn in two, and it is interpreted by many teachers of the church that this symbolized the tearing of the veil between man and God, the veil of our own will and our own ego that was put there by us when we fell. Moreover, we could say it is put there as we live in this world. We all erect it by becoming little godlets and wanting things all our own way.
However, the idea of the church is that it is our right state to be with God, to work in concert with Him, still keeping our free wills but offering ourselves freely to Him, and again, we come back to living Eucharistically. Christ enabled this synurgistic relationship to exist once again precisely because he passed through the gate of death and destroyed its power. There is a lovely sermon by St. John Chrysostom which we read in the wee hours of Easter morning. It encapsulates this theology perfectly, and it does a superlative job of describing why we as Christians should be joyful on the day of Easter and at all other times of the year, incidentally. Here is the sermon!
THE SERMON OF ST. JOHN CHRYSOSTOM
If any man be devout and loveth God, let him enjoy this fair and radiant triumphal feast. If any man be a wise servant, let him rejoicing enter into the joy of his Lord. If any have labored long in fasting, let him now receive his recompense. If any have wrought from the first hour, let him today receive his just reward. If any have come at the third hour, let him with thankfulness keep the feast.
If any have arrived at the sixth hour, let him have no misgivings; because he shall in nowise be deprived therefor. If any have delayed until the ninth hour, let him draw near, fearing nothing. If any have tarried even until the eleventh hour, let him, also, be not alarmed at his tardiness; for the Lord, who is jealous of his honor, will accept the last even as the first; he giveth rest unto him who cometh at the eleventh hour, even as unto him who hath wrought from the first hour. And he showeth mercy upon the last, and careth for the first; and to the one he giveth, and upon the other he bestoweth gifts. And he both accepteth the deeds, and welcometh the intention, and honoreth the acts and praises the offering.
Wherefore, enter ye all into the joy of your Lord; and receive your reward, both the first, and likewise the second. You rich and poor together, hold high festival. You sober and you heedless, honor the day.
Rejoice today, both you who have fasted and you who have disregarded the fast. The table is full- laden; feast ye all sumptuously. The calf is fatted; let no one go hungry away. Enjoy ye all the feast of faith: Receive ye all the riches of loving-kindness.
Let no one bewail his poverty, for the universal kingdom has been revealed. Let no one weep for his iniquities, for pardon has shone forth from the grave. Let no one fear death, for the Savior's death has set us free. He that was held prisoner of it has annihilated it. By descending into Hell, He made Hell captive. He embittered it when it tasted of His flesh.
And Isaiah, foretelling this, did cry: Hell, said he, was embittered, when it encountered Thee in the lower regions. It was embittered, for it was abolished. It was embittered, for it was mocked. It was embittered, for it was slain. It was embittered, for it was overthrown. It was embittered, for it was fettered in chains.
It took a body, and met God face to face. It took earth, and encountered Heaven. It took that which was seen, and fell upon the unseen.
O Death, where is thy sting? O Hell, where is thy victory? Christ is risen, and thou art overthrown. Christ is risen, and the demons are fallen. Christ is risen, and the angels rejoice. Christ is risen, and life reigns. Christ is risen, and not one dead remains in the grave.
For Christ, being risen from the dead, is become the first-fruits of those who have fallen asleep. To Him be glory and dominion unto ages of ages. Amen.
So, Christ's death and resurrection are meant as sign-posts for the Christian. As we are baptized into Christ's death, so begins the process of dying to the self: the little self which is the ego and which tends to get in the way of anything good in life. Then, once that little ego is overcome, which is usually a life-long journey, by the way, but which is helped and strengthened by Grace, then we enjoy the glory of resurrection, of returning to our proper state, our proper relationship with God which we had from the first. However, this is only the beginning of the story, for beyond that is Theosis, which the fathers of the church teach was always our destiny. We were always meant to share in what God is, to be truly like God, but the fall interrupted that growth. We made ourselves weak and Christ has strengthened us. We made ourselves broken, and by his enduring death, He has given us a way to mend ourselves. Why then should we fear, or why let our hearts be troubled overmuch by the world and all its woes? We simply need to pray and work, to learn to be humble and receptive to God's Grace, and to fully come to terms with the fact that we are broken and in need of help to be mended, and then comes the work, the synergistic work with God to remove all the parts of ourselves which stand in the way of our ability to sacrifice with joy and to give of ourselves to our neighbour and to God, for all true love is sacrificial and eucharistic. All true love is joyful and active, dynamic and living, and we believe that by following Christ and dying to our little selves, our true and deep selves can be gradually revealed, like polishing a dirty mirror.
So, as I close this rather lengthy entry, I will end with the Paschal greeting with which we salute each other throughout the season of Easter:
Christ is risen!!!
Deo Gratias!
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Creating A Joy-filled Environment
Benedicamus Domino!
Over the thirty-three years I have lived in this world, I have come to the conclusion that the environment in which one lives and/or works has a lot to do with how one approaches life. I, for instance, tend to live in a rather chaotic environment, though this chaos is something which fuels the side of me which is creative and doesn't live in a box. I have tried and tried to become more organized and to create an orderly existence for myself, but I have failed miserably, simply because I don't think that this kind of almost-militaristic idea of order can work well with my personality or with my true and inner self. As a result, I have come to a compromise. I have decided to contain the chaos and to simplify it as much as I can. It's not about getting rid of it, but rather about accepting it and letting it be, while at the same time molding it into something which is more smoothly-flowing and less choppy. A river, after all, is always chaotic, whether it spills over rapids or flows easily through flats. The key here is to create an environment that both reflects who I am and also challenges me to be more than I am.
I know a woman who has bird-feeders in her yard, and who also has dishes of food for the neighbourhood cats. She feeds squirrels as well, and this is all in the name of creating a joy-filled environment for herself. She loves little birds, so she feeds them. She doesn't like to see cats go hungry or be lonely, so she feeds them and makes friends with them. She lets them be who they are, but she lets them know that they have a place to go if they want food. Me, I'm not minded to do this, though perhaps a bird-feeder might be a nice idea, for when I lived with this woman, I loved to hear all the birds descending upon the bushes and singing all together. It was a lovely thing in the midst of an urban landscape and it made morning really feel like morning in some fundamental way.
I know another woman who has fountains dotted hither and thither throughout her house, so that whenever she wants, she can hear the sound of running water and watch it falling. To her, this is soothing, and I can relate to this, for I do love a good fountain. Indeed, I have one on my desk and I use it sometimes when I write.
I have known many homes and offices in my time, and some have simply been places in which people lived or worked, but others have been dedicated spaces, spaces which have been conscientiously created as places of tranquility or of creativity or of true and homelike comfort. This is what I seek to make for myself wherever I am: a place that is mine, a place that is sacred and also practical, a place that is my place of power, to borrow a phrase popular in Pagan circles. The monastic has a cell: a little piece of Paradise where he or she can await God's illuminating presence with prayer and with awe. I must have something like this as well, and moreover, I must learn to carry its influence about with me.
I have always dreamed of a cabin in the woods. It is a dream and I know it, but when those dreams come to me, they are always calm and it is always new dawn in the cabin, and there are always birds twittering, and someone is stirring a pot of something on a fire, and when I taste it, it is the best oatmeal that I have ever tasted, and the woman who gives it to me--for it's always a woman with me in this place--is calm and careful, loving and wise. In short, she is the me that I want to be, and though she has been nameless till now, I have given her a name. She is why I'm doing all this. She is why I'm trying to find the centre, the source from which joy springs for me, because I'm not who I need to be, and it's time for all the dull and tarnished parts of me to be thrown off to make room for the full flowering of whatever my true self ultimately is, and the beginning of all this is with the physical space which I inhabit, and so long as I'm in this house, this means the room where I tend to do all my praying, writing and sleeping.
May God help this process, and may it herald a new way of life for this world-weary pilgrim who sorely needs regeneration!
Deo Gratias!
Over the thirty-three years I have lived in this world, I have come to the conclusion that the environment in which one lives and/or works has a lot to do with how one approaches life. I, for instance, tend to live in a rather chaotic environment, though this chaos is something which fuels the side of me which is creative and doesn't live in a box. I have tried and tried to become more organized and to create an orderly existence for myself, but I have failed miserably, simply because I don't think that this kind of almost-militaristic idea of order can work well with my personality or with my true and inner self. As a result, I have come to a compromise. I have decided to contain the chaos and to simplify it as much as I can. It's not about getting rid of it, but rather about accepting it and letting it be, while at the same time molding it into something which is more smoothly-flowing and less choppy. A river, after all, is always chaotic, whether it spills over rapids or flows easily through flats. The key here is to create an environment that both reflects who I am and also challenges me to be more than I am.
I know a woman who has bird-feeders in her yard, and who also has dishes of food for the neighbourhood cats. She feeds squirrels as well, and this is all in the name of creating a joy-filled environment for herself. She loves little birds, so she feeds them. She doesn't like to see cats go hungry or be lonely, so she feeds them and makes friends with them. She lets them be who they are, but she lets them know that they have a place to go if they want food. Me, I'm not minded to do this, though perhaps a bird-feeder might be a nice idea, for when I lived with this woman, I loved to hear all the birds descending upon the bushes and singing all together. It was a lovely thing in the midst of an urban landscape and it made morning really feel like morning in some fundamental way.
I know another woman who has fountains dotted hither and thither throughout her house, so that whenever she wants, she can hear the sound of running water and watch it falling. To her, this is soothing, and I can relate to this, for I do love a good fountain. Indeed, I have one on my desk and I use it sometimes when I write.
I have known many homes and offices in my time, and some have simply been places in which people lived or worked, but others have been dedicated spaces, spaces which have been conscientiously created as places of tranquility or of creativity or of true and homelike comfort. This is what I seek to make for myself wherever I am: a place that is mine, a place that is sacred and also practical, a place that is my place of power, to borrow a phrase popular in Pagan circles. The monastic has a cell: a little piece of Paradise where he or she can await God's illuminating presence with prayer and with awe. I must have something like this as well, and moreover, I must learn to carry its influence about with me.
I have always dreamed of a cabin in the woods. It is a dream and I know it, but when those dreams come to me, they are always calm and it is always new dawn in the cabin, and there are always birds twittering, and someone is stirring a pot of something on a fire, and when I taste it, it is the best oatmeal that I have ever tasted, and the woman who gives it to me--for it's always a woman with me in this place--is calm and careful, loving and wise. In short, she is the me that I want to be, and though she has been nameless till now, I have given her a name. She is why I'm doing all this. She is why I'm trying to find the centre, the source from which joy springs for me, because I'm not who I need to be, and it's time for all the dull and tarnished parts of me to be thrown off to make room for the full flowering of whatever my true self ultimately is, and the beginning of all this is with the physical space which I inhabit, and so long as I'm in this house, this means the room where I tend to do all my praying, writing and sleeping.
May God help this process, and may it herald a new way of life for this world-weary pilgrim who sorely needs regeneration!
Deo Gratias!
Friday, April 13, 2012
Practical Plans for Living a More Joyful Life
Benedicamus Domino!
So, you may be asking, how exactly is this journey toward joy of mine to begin? I have contemplated this for some time, and have come up with several resolutions which I am currently trying to put into action. Here they are.
Journey Toward Joy
Method: This journey toward joywill be cyclical. It will not have any specific time-limit, but it will be ongoing.
Materials needed: computer for blogging, exercise equipment, books to read, ideas for writing, musical instruments and ways to use them successfully, friends, family and anything else which may come up in the process.
Hypothesis: I can live joyfully if I choose to do so. If I do things which bring my deep self joy, I will be able to calm all the little desires of my more superficial ego
Resolutions: Nine resolutions, each with three aspects.
1. Become more energetic.
A. Body: go to bed earlier and at a regular time and wake up earlier and at a regular time. Exercise and eat better.
B. Mind: Watch less TV, preferably no more than an hour or so a day. Read when possible and write as much as possible.
Spirit: Pray regularly and observe the calendar of the church as to season, fast or feast, and any other thing that must be observed. Also, enjoy the natural world as much as possible.
2. Cultivate relationships.
A. Body: Don't be afraid of the phone and make efforts to visit people more often.
B. Mind: Think of people on their birthdays and other special days and remember to talk to them on those days.
C. Pray for individuals by name and also listen to them when they speak, because they can be teachers.
3. Develop talents of writing and music.
A. Body: Make time in the day to play music and to write stories and/or poetry. Perhaps find a writing course or a writing group to be a part of. Also play music in public and market the cd more.
B. Mind: Think of yourself as a writer and a musician. Learn to be these things in earnest and if this means doing these things professionally, then find ways to make it happen.
C. Spirit: Stop feeling guilty that you have the talents that you have. Let them exist and grow as they will, while all the while thanking God that you have them in the first place. Also, pay it forward. If you learn things about music and/or writing that will help other people, pass them on.
4. Become more passionate about life. Don't procrastinate or deny yourself joy just because you think others will think you weird or odd.
A. Body: Don't let aches and pains hold you down. Learn to listen to what your body needs and follow its advice.
B. Mind: Don't second-guess yourself too much. A healthy dose of skepticism is good, but not when it becomes a barrier to trying new things or doing what you love.
C. Spirit: Pray about the things you want to do with your life. Pray with boldness and humility, always asking God that "Thy will be done" in all things.
5. Live in a more mindful way. Live in the moment.
A. Body: Remember that you live in this body and that it is the place from which you interact with the world. Treat it with respect and dignity and use it to reflect your inner self.
B. Mind: Think about your blessings more than about your woes. Be grateful whenever possible and remember that life only sucks if you say it does. Even if bad things come, let them come and deal with them, but don't let them colour the rest of your life.
C. Spirit: Thank God every time you wake up in the morning and every time you go to bed at night. Thank Him for everything, because everything is a lesson and a blessing, even if it comes in the disguise of a misfortune. Own your emotions but don't let them own you. Never go to bed angry!
6. Learn to let go.
A. Body: Learn to let go of cravings, addictions and other things which hold you down, but don't deprive yourself too much. Also, de-clutter your life and get rid of unused and unnecessary stuff.
B. Mind: Learn to let go of the past and negative attitudes about yourself. Embrace change.
C. Spirit: Learn to forgive those whom you must forgive and don't hold grudges.
7. Lead a more ordered life.
A. Body: Take care of your body as though it were something sacred, because it is. Also, let it live in a peace-promoting and ordered environment.
B. Mind: Calm your thoughts and try to let them flow in a more ordered way. This isn't about logic so much as it is about calmness.
C. Spirit: Don't neglect your spiritual joy. Order your day to promote this.
8. Make every day an adventure.
A. Body: Get directly out of bed when the alarm goes off in the morning. Arm yourself as though you were going on a quest. Each day is a new adventure, so act like it.
B. Mind: Think of your day in terms of things you get to do rather than things you have to do. Even if they are have-tos, think of them in a more adventurous way.
C. Spirit: Don't be afraid to dream a little. Think of new and exciting things around every corner.
9. Be moderate in all things.
A. Body: Remember that too much of anything can be as bad as too little. Make sure your body doesn't betray you. Treat money in a more mindful and moderate way.
B. Mind: Remember that the middle way is the best. Never let passions trump responsibilities, and never let responsibilities deaden passions. Manage time appropriately.
C. Spirit: Never forget God in all this self-exploration. Never think yourself on firm footing. Always be journeying towards holiness and remember that falling and getting up again is a part of life.
Deo Gratias!
So, you may be asking, how exactly is this journey toward joy of mine to begin? I have contemplated this for some time, and have come up with several resolutions which I am currently trying to put into action. Here they are.
Journey Toward Joy
Method: This journey toward joywill be cyclical. It will not have any specific time-limit, but it will be ongoing.
Materials needed: computer for blogging, exercise equipment, books to read, ideas for writing, musical instruments and ways to use them successfully, friends, family and anything else which may come up in the process.
Hypothesis: I can live joyfully if I choose to do so. If I do things which bring my deep self joy, I will be able to calm all the little desires of my more superficial ego
Resolutions: Nine resolutions, each with three aspects.
1. Become more energetic.
A. Body: go to bed earlier and at a regular time and wake up earlier and at a regular time. Exercise and eat better.
B. Mind: Watch less TV, preferably no more than an hour or so a day. Read when possible and write as much as possible.
Spirit: Pray regularly and observe the calendar of the church as to season, fast or feast, and any other thing that must be observed. Also, enjoy the natural world as much as possible.
2. Cultivate relationships.
A. Body: Don't be afraid of the phone and make efforts to visit people more often.
B. Mind: Think of people on their birthdays and other special days and remember to talk to them on those days.
C. Pray for individuals by name and also listen to them when they speak, because they can be teachers.
3. Develop talents of writing and music.
A. Body: Make time in the day to play music and to write stories and/or poetry. Perhaps find a writing course or a writing group to be a part of. Also play music in public and market the cd more.
B. Mind: Think of yourself as a writer and a musician. Learn to be these things in earnest and if this means doing these things professionally, then find ways to make it happen.
C. Spirit: Stop feeling guilty that you have the talents that you have. Let them exist and grow as they will, while all the while thanking God that you have them in the first place. Also, pay it forward. If you learn things about music and/or writing that will help other people, pass them on.
4. Become more passionate about life. Don't procrastinate or deny yourself joy just because you think others will think you weird or odd.
A. Body: Don't let aches and pains hold you down. Learn to listen to what your body needs and follow its advice.
B. Mind: Don't second-guess yourself too much. A healthy dose of skepticism is good, but not when it becomes a barrier to trying new things or doing what you love.
C. Spirit: Pray about the things you want to do with your life. Pray with boldness and humility, always asking God that "Thy will be done" in all things.
5. Live in a more mindful way. Live in the moment.
A. Body: Remember that you live in this body and that it is the place from which you interact with the world. Treat it with respect and dignity and use it to reflect your inner self.
B. Mind: Think about your blessings more than about your woes. Be grateful whenever possible and remember that life only sucks if you say it does. Even if bad things come, let them come and deal with them, but don't let them colour the rest of your life.
C. Spirit: Thank God every time you wake up in the morning and every time you go to bed at night. Thank Him for everything, because everything is a lesson and a blessing, even if it comes in the disguise of a misfortune. Own your emotions but don't let them own you. Never go to bed angry!
6. Learn to let go.
A. Body: Learn to let go of cravings, addictions and other things which hold you down, but don't deprive yourself too much. Also, de-clutter your life and get rid of unused and unnecessary stuff.
B. Mind: Learn to let go of the past and negative attitudes about yourself. Embrace change.
C. Spirit: Learn to forgive those whom you must forgive and don't hold grudges.
7. Lead a more ordered life.
A. Body: Take care of your body as though it were something sacred, because it is. Also, let it live in a peace-promoting and ordered environment.
B. Mind: Calm your thoughts and try to let them flow in a more ordered way. This isn't about logic so much as it is about calmness.
C. Spirit: Don't neglect your spiritual joy. Order your day to promote this.
8. Make every day an adventure.
A. Body: Get directly out of bed when the alarm goes off in the morning. Arm yourself as though you were going on a quest. Each day is a new adventure, so act like it.
B. Mind: Think of your day in terms of things you get to do rather than things you have to do. Even if they are have-tos, think of them in a more adventurous way.
C. Spirit: Don't be afraid to dream a little. Think of new and exciting things around every corner.
9. Be moderate in all things.
A. Body: Remember that too much of anything can be as bad as too little. Make sure your body doesn't betray you. Treat money in a more mindful and moderate way.
B. Mind: Remember that the middle way is the best. Never let passions trump responsibilities, and never let responsibilities deaden passions. Manage time appropriately.
C. Spirit: Never forget God in all this self-exploration. Never think yourself on firm footing. Always be journeying towards holiness and remember that falling and getting up again is a part of life.
Deo Gratias!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Why Did I Start This Journey and This Blog?
Benedicamus Domino!
What has prompted my decision to try to live in a more joy-filled way? This is a good question and requires some length in which to answer it.
Firstly, it must be noted that i have generally been a person who has sought for wonder and beauty in life. I have often done things which seem impulsive or frivolous, but they have all been done in the name of joy, in the name of finding the truth about myself and about why I'm here on this planet. I have traveled on a few different spiritual paths throughout my life, and have experienced both love and loss at a relatively young age. At twenty-four years old, I considered myself a widow, for while it was true that my fiance and I were not married when he passed due to Cancer, it was as though a part of my body or soul had been amputated, and it was very difficult to find a way to go on.
However, there was a moment about a year and a half after his death when I suddenly felt flooded with a buoyancy that I had not been able to feel for a long time, and this conviction that filled me told me that I was still here and that here was right where I needed to be. It has ebbed and returned again and again, as is the nature of most things in this life, but it is this conviction that I want to find in life again. It is courage and optimism that I am missing, and it is time for me to find that person that I somehow have lost, that self which is still waiting underneath all the debris of living every day.
As to the reason I started this blog, well, I find that when I write about myself on a daily basis, I have to put my money where my mouth is. I'm accountable to myself and to anyone who reads this blog. I'm not going it alone. So, this blog will hopefully contain a pinch of whimsy, a dash of wisdom and a whole lot of common sense, because I find that one of the greatest ways to cut through all the stuff that stands in the way of joyful and eucharistic living is to use common sense wherever possible. And so, dear reader, I thank you for participating in this journey with me, and I hope you find it as much of a voyage of discovery as I do.
Deo Gratias!
What has prompted my decision to try to live in a more joy-filled way? This is a good question and requires some length in which to answer it.
Firstly, it must be noted that i have generally been a person who has sought for wonder and beauty in life. I have often done things which seem impulsive or frivolous, but they have all been done in the name of joy, in the name of finding the truth about myself and about why I'm here on this planet. I have traveled on a few different spiritual paths throughout my life, and have experienced both love and loss at a relatively young age. At twenty-four years old, I considered myself a widow, for while it was true that my fiance and I were not married when he passed due to Cancer, it was as though a part of my body or soul had been amputated, and it was very difficult to find a way to go on.
However, there was a moment about a year and a half after his death when I suddenly felt flooded with a buoyancy that I had not been able to feel for a long time, and this conviction that filled me told me that I was still here and that here was right where I needed to be. It has ebbed and returned again and again, as is the nature of most things in this life, but it is this conviction that I want to find in life again. It is courage and optimism that I am missing, and it is time for me to find that person that I somehow have lost, that self which is still waiting underneath all the debris of living every day.
As to the reason I started this blog, well, I find that when I write about myself on a daily basis, I have to put my money where my mouth is. I'm accountable to myself and to anyone who reads this blog. I'm not going it alone. So, this blog will hopefully contain a pinch of whimsy, a dash of wisdom and a whole lot of common sense, because I find that one of the greatest ways to cut through all the stuff that stands in the way of joyful and eucharistic living is to use common sense wherever possible. And so, dear reader, I thank you for participating in this journey with me, and I hope you find it as much of a voyage of discovery as I do.
Deo Gratias!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Statement of Purpose
Benedicamus Domino! (Let us bless the Lord!)
This blog is going to be dedicated to an aspect of the Christian life which does not often get a lot of attention lately, and I think it could be useful for anyone trying to live a deeper life than they currently do. While I will be using Christian terminology and imagery here, I think that what I will be talking about here will be relatable to many people, regardless of what faith they practice or what creed or worldview they hold.
First, let's talk about a eucharistic life. What does this mean? The Eucharist is primarily the Holy Communion of those Christians who believe that Christ is present in the bread and wine which are consecrated at a Mass or Liturgy. It comes from a Greek source which means "thanksgiving," and refers to the fact that Christ gave thanks to God at the Last Supper before instituting the rite of Communion. So, when I talk about a eucharistic life here, I mean a life of thankfulness, a life where we offer ourselves to God as living sacrifices and we receive from Him our offerings which have been transfigured by His Grace.
This is beginning to sound very poetic and not very practical, but it can be applied in very very practical ways, and this continual mindfulness of what we are offering to God and to our neighbours, and to ourselves as well, incidentally, can lead to a more joyful and peaceful life. The circumstances of our lives may not change, but our attitude towards them can certainly be changed, and it is this which determines our ability to bounce back from difficulties and to snatch the opportunities that we are given in a more proactive way.
Joy, in my sense of the word, is a rather technical term. It refers to something which is really ungraspable by the logical mind. I don't think I can call it an emotion, because, quite simply, I believe that joy is our right and proper state of being. We are meant to be filled with joy, but joy here is not simple happiness or excitement. It's something deeper, something which is dynamic and forward-moving. "Shantih" and "Ananda" may come close to describing what this joy is, but we've all experienced it.
Have you ever heard a piece of music so beautiful that you feel that if you could die in that moment, you would be perfectly happy to do so? Have you ever been with the one you love and just felt as though you were truly home, truly where you needed to be at that precise moment? It all goes beyond emotion. It's not about happiness or peacefulness. It's about beauty and terror and wonder all at once, and that is what I seek to find in my life.
The thing that I have come to believe is that this joy is always there, always waiting for us to sort of fall into it, like a river that we keep meaning to visit someday but there's always something holding us back, and I feel that a key to finding this joy is thankfulness and mindfulness of presenting ourselves as living sacrifices, as St. Paul would have it. I know that I often see myself as being entitled to things, entitled to freedoms and rewards and stuff and junk food and well, just name your poison. But really, I've been put here, and I think we have all been put here, to learn about ourselves and to become better people, more ready to offer our time and our money, our love and our talents to others, and especially to the One who gave them to us. We are not our own people, or we should not be our own people. We have free will, it is true, but I have come to believe that it is our right state to live eucharistically: giving thanks where thanks is due and giving of ourselves whenever possible.
So, this, in the last analysis, is what this blog will be about. It will be about me and my journey towards living eucharistically. May God bless it, and may its readers find it enjoyable and perhaps even useful.
Deo Gratias! (Thanks be to God!)
This blog is going to be dedicated to an aspect of the Christian life which does not often get a lot of attention lately, and I think it could be useful for anyone trying to live a deeper life than they currently do. While I will be using Christian terminology and imagery here, I think that what I will be talking about here will be relatable to many people, regardless of what faith they practice or what creed or worldview they hold.
First, let's talk about a eucharistic life. What does this mean? The Eucharist is primarily the Holy Communion of those Christians who believe that Christ is present in the bread and wine which are consecrated at a Mass or Liturgy. It comes from a Greek source which means "thanksgiving," and refers to the fact that Christ gave thanks to God at the Last Supper before instituting the rite of Communion. So, when I talk about a eucharistic life here, I mean a life of thankfulness, a life where we offer ourselves to God as living sacrifices and we receive from Him our offerings which have been transfigured by His Grace.
This is beginning to sound very poetic and not very practical, but it can be applied in very very practical ways, and this continual mindfulness of what we are offering to God and to our neighbours, and to ourselves as well, incidentally, can lead to a more joyful and peaceful life. The circumstances of our lives may not change, but our attitude towards them can certainly be changed, and it is this which determines our ability to bounce back from difficulties and to snatch the opportunities that we are given in a more proactive way.
Joy, in my sense of the word, is a rather technical term. It refers to something which is really ungraspable by the logical mind. I don't think I can call it an emotion, because, quite simply, I believe that joy is our right and proper state of being. We are meant to be filled with joy, but joy here is not simple happiness or excitement. It's something deeper, something which is dynamic and forward-moving. "Shantih" and "Ananda" may come close to describing what this joy is, but we've all experienced it.
Have you ever heard a piece of music so beautiful that you feel that if you could die in that moment, you would be perfectly happy to do so? Have you ever been with the one you love and just felt as though you were truly home, truly where you needed to be at that precise moment? It all goes beyond emotion. It's not about happiness or peacefulness. It's about beauty and terror and wonder all at once, and that is what I seek to find in my life.
The thing that I have come to believe is that this joy is always there, always waiting for us to sort of fall into it, like a river that we keep meaning to visit someday but there's always something holding us back, and I feel that a key to finding this joy is thankfulness and mindfulness of presenting ourselves as living sacrifices, as St. Paul would have it. I know that I often see myself as being entitled to things, entitled to freedoms and rewards and stuff and junk food and well, just name your poison. But really, I've been put here, and I think we have all been put here, to learn about ourselves and to become better people, more ready to offer our time and our money, our love and our talents to others, and especially to the One who gave them to us. We are not our own people, or we should not be our own people. We have free will, it is true, but I have come to believe that it is our right state to live eucharistically: giving thanks where thanks is due and giving of ourselves whenever possible.
So, this, in the last analysis, is what this blog will be about. It will be about me and my journey towards living eucharistically. May God bless it, and may its readers find it enjoyable and perhaps even useful.
Deo Gratias! (Thanks be to God!)
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