Divine Discontent

Benedicamus Domino!

Well, it's on me again: that wonderful and restless feeling which spring begets. Never mind that the weather outside is cold and bitter! Never mind that snow is falling in parts of this province. It doesn't matter, for it's spring in my heart, and again has come that wonderful feeling which can only be typified by the following passage from Kenneth Graham's The Wind In The Willows: "THE Mole had been working very hard all the morning, spring-cleaning his little home. First with brooms, then with dusters; then on ladders and steps and chairs, with a brush and a pail of whitewash; till he had dust in his throat and eyes, and splashes of whitewash all over his black fur, and an aching back and weary arms. Spring was moving in the air above and in the earth below and around him, penetrating even his dark and lowly little house with its spirit of divine discontent and longing. It was small wonder, then, that he suddenly flung down his brush on the floor, said `Bother!' and `O blow!' and also `Hang spring-cleaning!' and bolted out of the house without even waiting to put on his coat. Something up above was calling him imperiously, and he made for the steep little tunnel which answered in his case to the gravelled carriage-drive owned by animals whose residences are nearer to the sun and air. So he scraped and scratched and scrabbled and scrooged and then he scrooged again and scrabbled and scratched and scraped, working busily with his little paws and muttering to himself, `Up we go! Up we go!' till at last, pop! his snout came out into the sunlight, and he found himself rolling in the warm grass of a great meadow."

And here, in this tiny passage, is the essence of the life that I'm trying to lead. Here, impelled by what can only be called Divine Discontent and Longing, I keep trying to scratch through all the tonnes of earth which lie upon me, all the broken dreams and piled up regrets of past times, in order to find the light and the air, the real life which is beyond this world of shadows and half-glimpsed sunlight. It's out there, folks. It exists, and I know that it can be found, and the trick is that it's all in how we live the life we're given whether we see this other life or not.

I could, for instance, walk around in a sleepy dream, never really looking for the good things, for the beautiful and glorious things which are always waiting just out of sight, but I choose not to do this. I choose to try my best to be awake, to live a life which is true to myself and true to my beliefs. It is right to be discontented with the world as I know it. It is right to want more, but the trick is to know what I mean by wanting more, and that is what this journey toward joy is all about. I seek clarity where has been confusion and peace where there has been panic. I intend to ride the wave of this discontent, for it's only through that feeling of longing that I can see the truth I'm looking for. It's been the reason I've done any of the good things in my life, and it's never led me wrong yet. I believe we all have it inside of us, for we're not complete people. We look for wholeness and yearn for more than what our world can offer us, and this in itself is no bad thing. The problems come when the ego takes this very spiritual discontent and morphs it into covetousness and an obsession with the petty things of life. It happens to us all, but it doesn't have to happen if we can fuel the right kind of discontent, the proactive kind.

This is not about complaining. This is not about moaning about the misfortunes of life. This kind of discontent is about refusing to be comfortable. It's about refusing to lie down and take life for what it is. It's a strange and terrible way to be, both accepting life as it is given, but also knowing that there is more and better to come and actively trying to seek it.

It is only in this state of divine discontent that joy can truly be experienced, because it is only when we are in this state of seeking new horizons of beauty and terror and wonder that we can be truly alive to the moment that we are in. How then does all this discontent reconcile with patience and endurance? Perhaps we'll talk about that next time.

Deo Gratias!