Spreading my Wings

Benedicamus Domino!

I was speaking with someone earlier this week and what we were talking about sounded to her as though it belonged in one of my blog entries. So, far be it from me to argue with such indisputable logic! Here goes!

I often find myself frustrated with what I perceive as the narrowness of some of the attitudes of the people in my faith. I mean, I know that straight and narrow leadeth unto life, but does that necessarily mean that one must develop such a narrow vision that one fears to look beyond its scope lest one be tempted away from Christ? (Wow! I never thought I'd get to the end of that sentence with its meaning intact!) I sometimes get the feeling that people in my faith, in their zeal to protect themselves and their children from the ever-intruding 'spirit of the age,' may occasionally go a little too far. I mean, if we really believe that nothing can stand against God, if we really believe that God is our help and protection, should we fear what we don't understand? Should we always be of a suspicious nature? It's this suspicious nature which I seem to have acquired, and I really don't like it.

We are called to be circumspect. We should look around us and see what is going on, and if necessary, we should eschew it if it seems truly destructive. But should we cast aspersions on some faith or some group of people or some book, say, simply because it does not conform to our beliefs? I've always maintained a negative answer to this question, the one caveat being that if it is happening within the church, we ought to take a good hard look at why it's happening and to figure out what the new or different element is trying to accomplish. John's writings condemn the nostics in no uncertain terms. To him, they were directly challenging the truth that Christ was and is a living man. To him, that would have been a personal insult as he had witnessed the resurrection himself. Say what you like about them, but they were going off the track, both of what Christ had taught and of what he truly was and is. So, I'm certainly not advocating straight relativism. I really do not believe that every idea in the world is valid just because it's an idea. I believe some stand up better than others, and some faiths stand up much better than others.

What I don't want to do is to create boxes for myself, and I always do this. I create a box for myself, and when something challenges that box, I get all frightened and suspicious of that thing. It might be as simple as a certain kind of language which someone uses to talk about God, for instance. I myself might not use that language, but should I become frightened of it just because I hear it? This seems to point to an utter lack of belief or trust or something. If God is who He seems to be, then He'll know if a person is talking to Him no matter what mode of discourse is being used. It's God that has to deal with each person, not me. My job is to just do my best and look to my own self and let the spirit of the age move as it will, for it is always changing.

I'm currently participating in an "online retreat." It's based around the time of Lent, but my Lent doesn't start for another month. Still, it involves the life and work of Hildegard of Bingen, a Benedictine Abbess from the 1100s. She's not Orthodox by definition, because she was born 44 years after what we call the Great Schism, when, due to several doctrinal and political factors, a bunch of bishops decided that east and west were no longer in communion with each other. However, there is no doubt in my mind that she was Christian, that she possessed the wisdom of her ancestors in the faith and was an amazing witness to the Benedictine spirit! Officially, I cannot call her a saint. Officially, I cannot ask for her intercession. However, does this mean that she cannot teach me things? Does this mean that I must simply deny a woman who's fiery words and heavenly music were one of the keys to Christ for me? I've wrestled with this kind of thing for a long time, and I've decided that it's high time I spread my wings. I have no intention of abandoning Orthodox Christianity. It's still the best thing going for my money. It has everything I need, and in my book, you either take the whole pill or leave it, because once you chop it up, a lot of its virtue is gone. However, I will not be bound by others' fears and warnings with no foundations. I think I know enough by now to tread cautiously and to be circumspect, and I hope I'm not such a fool as to stop discussing things with others of my faith. So, I am letting Hildegard's idea of the greening (viriditas) power of God enter into me during this retreat. That is what He's all about, really, bringing things to life and quickening even the dead! I want to stop being afraid. I want to stop feeling as though my faith might snap like a twig at the slightest pressure from outside. Perhaps my faith would do that, but that is when we can call to God: "Save me, Lord! I perish!"

Deo Gratias!