A New Year and a New Me!

Benedicamus Domino!

It is, yet again, a new year, and while this blog has a few months to go before it reaches its first anniversary, I feel it necessary to go back to the beginning of things and to see where I am now.

I began this blog as a way to find true and sacred joy in my life. It is supposed to be based on the premmice that true joy is only found through both gratitude and charity, through thankfulness and sacrifice. I have based this on the Eucharist: our offering of simple things to Christ and His changing those simple things into glorious and new creations by His grace! Whether you yourself celebrate Communion as a sacrament or not, I think we can all agree that the core of Christian life ought to be the gradual changing of our hearts, souls, minds and even our bodies into something better than we currently are. Christ came not to destroy, but to fulfil. However, he also came not with peace, but with a sword, and this sword is designed to cut away the bonds that hold us down: and really, all these passions, sins, vices, selfish desires, etc., all boil down to addiction of one sort or another. Whether we are addicted to food, to praise, to revenge, to things, to lust, it is all about the constant need to have what we had before and the diminishing return on the pleasure that this repetition causes.

So, I began this blog as a way to both discover the bonds holding me from the fullness of Christ's joy and also to look for ways to begin to free myself. I do believe the old saying that "There may be fairies, there may be elves, but God helps those who help themselves." One has to actually make an effort to move forward, and I feel that in some small way, I have done this. So, I will present the resolutions I made when beginning this journey of mine, and will now discuss how far I have come with each. Needless to say, much work has still to be done.

This is based on the book: The Happiness Project, by Grechen Reubens.

Journey Toward Joy

Method: This journey toward joywill be cyclical. It will not have any specific time-limit, but it will be ongoing.
Materials needed: computer for blogging, exercise equipment, books to read, ideas for writing, musical instruments and ways to use them successfully, friends,
family and anything else which may come up in the process.
Hypothesis: I can live joyfully if I choose to do so. If I do things which bring my deep self joy, I will be able to calm all the little desires of my
more superficial ego

Resolutions: Nine resolutions, each with three aspects.

1. Become more energetic.
A. Body: go to bed earlier and at a regular time and wake up earlier and at a regular time. Exercise and eat better. (Still needs work, but always trying.)
B. Mind: Watch less TV, preferably no more than an hour or so a day. Read when possible and write as much as possible. (Still needs tonnes of work!)
Spirit: Pray regularly and observe the calendar of the church as to season, fast or feast, and any other thing that must be observed. Also, enjoy the natural
world as much as possible. (You guessed it: still! needs! work!)
2. Cultivate relationships.
A. Body: Don't be afraid of the phone and make efforts to visit people more often. (Have done this to some extent, but, say it with me! Still needs work!)
B. Mind: Think of people on their birthdays and other special days and remember to talk to them on those days. (This has been done to largely good effect and will be continued to be observed.)
C. Pray for individuals by name and also listen to them when they speak, because they can be teachers. (Needs work, but has begun to happen.)
3. Develop talents of writing and music.
A. Body: Make time in the day to play music and to write stories and/or poetry. Perhaps find a writing course or a writing group to be a part of. Also
play music in public and market the cd more. (Music thing needs work, but have managed to begin a really good novel which I think would be worth publishing. Also completed the National Novel-writing Month contest for the first time in my three or four years participating. Also, I did enter the international song-writing contest earlier this year and have joined a few sites designed to market the music to a wider audience.)
B. Mind: Think of yourself as a writer and a musician. Learn to be these things in earnest and if this means doing these things professionally, then find
ways to make it happen. (This is really coming along. I am learning not to be afraid of my Bohemian side and to embrace it. I think this will lead to good things.)
C. Spirit: Stop feeling guilty that you have the talents that you have. Let them exist and grow as they will, while all the while thanking God that you
have them in the first place. Also, pay it forward. If you learn things about music and/or writing that will help other people, pass them on. (This too is beginning to change, though guilt about good things in my life will be an ongoing struggle I think.)
4. Become more passionate about life. Don't procrastinate or deny yourself joy just because you think others will think you weird or odd.
A. Body: Don't let aches and pains hold you down. Learn to listen to what your body needs and follow its advice. (This is coming along.)
B. Mind: Don't second-guess yourself too much. A healthy dose of skepticism is good, but not when it becomes a barrier to trying new things or doing what
you love. (This is changing as well, thank God!)
C. Spirit: Pray about the things you want to do with your life. Pray with boldness and humility, always asking God that "Thy will be done" in all things. (I am trying to do this, though I think I've just begun to figure out what it is I want.)
5. Live in a more mindful way. Live in the moment.
A. Body: Remember that you live in this body and that it is the place from which you interact with the world. Treat it with respect and dignity and use
it to reflect your inner self. (This needs work, but then so does the inner self.)
B. Mind: Think about your blessings more than about your woes. Be grateful whenever possible and remember that life only sucks if you say it does. Even
if bad things come, let them come and deal with them, but don't let them colour the rest of your life. (I think this is starting to happen. It's a good way to be!)
C. Spirit: Thank God every time you wake up in the morning and every time you go to bed at night. Thank Him for everything, because everything is a lesson
and a blessing, even if it comes in the disguise of a misfortune. Own your emotions but don't let them own you. Never go to bed angry! (This needs work, but I'm always trying to work on it.)
6. Learn to let go.
A. Body: Learn to let go of cravings, addictions and other things which hold you down, but don't deprive yourself too much. Also, de-clutter your life
and get rid of unused and unnecessary stuff. (This is beginning to happen. I'm learning to value physical things a little differently than I did, and except in rare cases, the value is lessening over time.)
B. Mind: Learn to let go of the past and negative attitudes about yourself. Embrace change. (This sounds so self-help-ish, but it's really true! Be the change you want to see in the world is what Gandhi said, and I think he's right.)
C. Spirit: Learn to forgive those whom you must forgive and don't hold grudges. (This is definitely beginning to happen, and it's a freeing feeling when you can let stuff like that go. Still, it's always difficult.)
7. Lead a more ordered life.
A. Body: Take care of your body as though it were something sacred, because it is. Also, let it live in a peace-promoting and ordered environment. (My environment ordered? Likely never in a million years! However, the chaos is being controlled a little better than it has been, so that's a good thing.)
B. Mind: Calm your thoughts and try to let them flow in a more ordered way. This isn't about logic so much as it is about calmness. (This is beginning to happen. There are many times when I am able to set my emotions (anger generally) aside and let my mind look at something logically and calmly. Unfortunately, the angry outburst still comes first, so this must be dealt with.)
C. Spirit: Don't neglect your spiritual joy. Order your day to promote this. (Yeah. This isn't happening so much in a consistent way, but I know that when it does happen, I am better, less prone to depressive episodes and such.)
8. Make every day an adventure.
A. Body: Get directly out of bed when the alarm goes off in the morning. Arm yourself as though you were going on a quest. Each day is a new adventure,
so act like it. (Totally needs work!!!)
B. Mind: Think of your day in terms of things you get to do rather than things you have to do. Even if they are have-tos, think of them in a more adventurous
way. (This is starting to happen, and it really does make a difference!)
C. Spirit: Don't be afraid to dream a little. Think of new and exciting things around every corner. (Sometimes I think I dream too much, but some of those dreams have come true this year, so perhaps dreaming isn't such a bad thing after all.)
9. Be moderate in all things.
A. Body: Remember that too much of anything can be as bad as too little. Make sure your body doesn't betray you. Treat money in a more mindful and moderate
way. (Still need to work on the body. It seems to demand a balance and when I misuse that balance, it tells me so in no uncertain terms. Money, however, is becoming less of a concern.)
B. Mind: Remember that the middle way is the best. Never let passions trump responsibilities, and never let responsibilities deaden passions. Manage time
appropriately. (This is starting to happen as well. Glory to God!)
C. Spirit: Never forget God in all this self-exploration. Never think yourself on firm footing. Always be journeying towards holiness and remember that
falling and getting up again is a part of life. (By "holiness," I mean healthiness. I mean salvation. I mean becoming a whole person at last. This is the journey I want to be on, and I am trying every day to be on it. However, though the road is straight, the destination is not really a destination. I think Lao Tsu said it best: "A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent upon arrival." If I can let Christ steer my little boat and simply address myself to the rowing, then I know He'll lead me right.)

So, I feel that these resolutions still hold water and are sound, and since they still need work, there's no reason to get rid of them or make any new ones. However, I will say that when I began this blog, I never expected to find that in less than a year of doing this conscious journey both into and out of myself, I would have found a person who has the potential to be a true partner in life. It seems odd to say this even now, but when it's right, it's right, and you know it. I think God is basically breathing a sigh of relief right now that we two have finally cut through all the other stuff and found each other at last! At least, I can see Him being relieved on my part, since I seem to make a career out of running away from the obvious joys in life. "There's no place like home," Dorothy said as she clicked her heels and returned from Oz, and I believe this as well. Sometimes our homes are physical places, sometimes they are family and friends, and sometimes, just sometimes, they are found in the connection between you and another person. I've secretly longed for this for a long time, and I think, God willing and all other things being equal, I've found it!

So, the journey continues, but it is not a solitary one. Indeed, it was never truly solitary, but it feels as though I've gotten a great big "Amen!" from God that I'm heading on the right track. So, I will say as I close this entry on the first day of 2013,

Deo, O Deo Gratias!!!