Thoughts upon The Feast of St. Catherine!

Benedicamus Domino!

Today on the Julian Calendar is actually November 25, the feast-day of St. Catherine of Alexandria. She is one of the saints whom I take as a model, for though she was educated in the best Roman fashion, she was also a devout Christian and was able to outwit some of the finest philosophers in Alexandria with both her intellect and God's grace. Of course, one could say that her intellect was also a kind of grace which, when leavened by the Holy Spirit's wisdom, became a true force to be reckoned with. Our treasure is hidden in earthen vessels, as St. Paul says, but I think it is for us to make sure that this treasure does not remain hidden. Whatever talent we have should be nurtured and used for the betterment of our fellow-beings and should always be used, as far as possible, in truth and love.

For me, this was the day, seven years ago, when I made the decision to enter an Orthodox church as more than a casual observer for the first time. I began to make travel-plans for the following Sunday, and I can recall even now the joy which welled up inside me when I realized that things in my life were coming full circle in what could only be a God-inspired and blessed way. While I was contemplating my coming pilgrimage, (from Kitchener to Hamilton by bus on a Sunday morning really was a pilgrimage!) I also read the story of St. Catherine, and I realized then and there that I could be what I was: an educated woman of my own time, but also a pious Christian, and from then on, I worked very hard to achieve that goal. I've had a few setbacks over the years, and these were due to my own zeal occasionally pushing me to let go of things unnecessarily, but I think I am finally learning to be who I must be. I don't think I could outwit philosophers or anything, but I do hope that I have the courage to speak truth to power or even to another human soul when it is needed.

December has often been a time of realization for me. In December of 1999, I found myself a Pagan hardly knowing how I got there. In December of 2005, I literally fell in love with Orthodox Christianity. I recall walking around my university campus actually day-dreaming about what it would be like to be in an Orthodox church with all the music and the swinging of the censor and such. I had experienced Orthodox churches before though only in a limited way, and it's true that I didn't even really know what to expect at the church I was going to attend, but I still was captivated by the thought that something which had been on the edge of my life off and on for so many years was now coming closer to its centre. I've written before about this so I'll not go into it now, but suffice it to say that I have a really good friend who is Orthodox and it was really because of her that I found my way there too eventually, and on that long-ago Feast of St. Catherine, I remember being in sheer awe of how life had led me, little by little, to what I had always wanted but had never seen clearly.

Now, I am having a similar time of realization and I am again planning a trip, but this time, it is a trip not to a church, but to someone's house. I am going in a few days to see someone who has very rapidly become important in my life, and our connection seems equally God-inspired and circular. I have long held a belief about my life that there are things in it which conform to its true pattern and there are other things which are just not right. This doesn't always have to do with whether the events are positive or negative, for there have been some negative events which I cannot help but view as being right and proper for me to have experienced. Well, just as Orthodox Christianity showed up in a very right and proper way, so this man has done, and to whatever end our new connection will lead, I feel it necessary to explore it to its fullest potential. For me to say this takes a great deal of courage, especially since there is a long-distance aspect to things which can be a little problematic, but I do find that being online allows for a more ongoing contact than used to happen when one only had the phone.

I'm writing about this here because it was my intention when starting this journey toward joy to open up more and to connect with people, to allow people to impact on my life in a more meaningful way rather than closing myself off to all drama and all danger while at the same time closing myself off to happiness. I have lived a rather solitary life even among crowds, and I know that this is pretty much all my doing. The time has come to fix that, to venture beyond the narrow limits of my money-changing hole, as Marley's ghost would have it, and to make mankind and certain members of that strange and wonderful collection of personalities my business once again. While I hope I could never become so jaded and cynical as Scroodge, I certainly have been known to walk through the crowded paths of life with my eyes cast down, but that is not what I'm called to do as a Christian or even as a person living among people in this world. So, here goes nothing! I'm lifting my head and looking about me, and you know what? Even with all its sham and drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world, not least due to the fact that Mike wishes to see me just as much as I wish to see him and that we are both completely open to the possibilities that life may afford for a deeper and more lasting connection. For this and for so many things lately, I say:

Deo Gratias!