Benedicamus Domino!
I usually come to this journal when I'm feeling pensive, and tonight is no exception. I just heard of the death of a man whom I only vaguely knew. He appears to have died in his sleep of what may be a heart attack. He was in his forties. I saw him in January and he seemed in good spirits, but he didn't know the end was coming. He had no way of knowing it. Indeed, very few of us do know when our lives will end, none of us very precisely at any rate. It always gets me when I hear of deaths like this, deaths not due to accident or anything but which happen while a person is asleep or in some instantaneous way which is completely unforeseen by the person or unpreventable.
As a Christian, I'm supposed to sort of take these things in stride. I'm supposed to remember that death comes to us all and that we know not when our souls will be required of us, to speak biblically about it, but it still gets me. It still shakes me up. It still makes me feel like I've wasted my life or am wasting it, that I take time for granted and not as a gift to be treasured and used productively. This man has left children behind, older children yes, but they are barely out of their teens. What could be the reason for that? I know what the reason is according to the theology to which I subscribe. We live in a fallen world, a world filled with death, that is with decay. Things in this world are transitory, including our mortal lives. Did God take him as some sort of mercy? I'll never know of course until my own life ends in this world. Still, this news has come as a shock and a troubling thing. It is good to be troubled, for the pot to be stirred, so I have decided to let this troubling news act on me as it is supposed to. I will embrace it and learn its lessons. May this man, who will remain unnamed in this journal, rest in peace, and may his memory be eternal!
Deo Gratias!
Monday, April 8, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
The Gospel According to... Webber?
Benedicamus Domino!
Today being Good Friday for many Christians, I thought I'd write about something which was and strangely still is for me one of the many fascinating stops along my own road to Emaus and a true meeting with Christ. This is the musical or "rock opera" called Jesus Christ Superstar, written by Andrew Lloyd Webber. This was long before The Phantom of the Opera and certainly long before his current hit: The Wizard of Oz. I received it as a gift during a time when I was enamoured with Webber's more modern musicals, and when I get so intrigued, I always feel it necessary to learn more than just what is current with a given artist, author or composer, and besides, I had occasionally heard the title song on the radio and rather liked it, so I asked for the recording of the musical as a gift.
What I got was the sound track of the 1973 film version, and while it left something to be desired in terms of truly wonderful singing and such, there was something fierce in it, something real. A lot of movie versions of musicals come off rather wooden and flat when compared to the theatrical production, but this one, at least for me, had something that I've not found in even the best recordings of the actual Broadway musical. I guess it brought the events leading up to the crucifiction to life in such an interesting way that it made me really think about what Good Friday means, and for a girl of fourteen, that was a revelation.
Now, twenty years later, I of course don't believe in how Christ is portrayed at many points in the musical, but it still holds a strange fascination for me and I was glad to find the original, unremastered movie sound track, scratchy audio and all, just recently for my computer music collection. I've been getting rid of cassettes as I don't use them anymore, but that one having vanished was a bit of a sadness to me. It just goes to show you that God can use anything to help to bring a person closer to Him. Heck! I bet there have even been some people who became Christian due to Monty Python's Life of Brian! "Always look on the bright side of life!" These kinds of things have often been called irreverent by Christians, and perhaps they are in some ways, but I really believe that even seeming irreverence can actually be a kind of honour and worship, or by its very nature as a kind of foil to the truth, can actually point out the truth to a listening soul and an open heart.
For instance, I attended a church some weeks ago where worship songs were the order of the day. There have been people who have called them irreverent. Yes, songs based on scripture, simply because they have a rock-'n'-roll beat, have been called irreverent! Now, while I don't think they have a place in the kind of church services I attend, I don't think them irreverent! They simply are what they are, and I'm sure their composers wrote them with care and attention. They may not be my particular cup of tea, but does that mean I should simply damn them? God forbid! For me, Jesus Christ Superstar was a way to God. Who knows what will lead others to Him?
And on that note, I wish a blessed Good Friday to all who celebrate it at this time, and a truly joyful celebration of Christ's Resurrection on Sunday!
Deo Gratias!
Today being Good Friday for many Christians, I thought I'd write about something which was and strangely still is for me one of the many fascinating stops along my own road to Emaus and a true meeting with Christ. This is the musical or "rock opera" called Jesus Christ Superstar, written by Andrew Lloyd Webber. This was long before The Phantom of the Opera and certainly long before his current hit: The Wizard of Oz. I received it as a gift during a time when I was enamoured with Webber's more modern musicals, and when I get so intrigued, I always feel it necessary to learn more than just what is current with a given artist, author or composer, and besides, I had occasionally heard the title song on the radio and rather liked it, so I asked for the recording of the musical as a gift.
What I got was the sound track of the 1973 film version, and while it left something to be desired in terms of truly wonderful singing and such, there was something fierce in it, something real. A lot of movie versions of musicals come off rather wooden and flat when compared to the theatrical production, but this one, at least for me, had something that I've not found in even the best recordings of the actual Broadway musical. I guess it brought the events leading up to the crucifiction to life in such an interesting way that it made me really think about what Good Friday means, and for a girl of fourteen, that was a revelation.
Now, twenty years later, I of course don't believe in how Christ is portrayed at many points in the musical, but it still holds a strange fascination for me and I was glad to find the original, unremastered movie sound track, scratchy audio and all, just recently for my computer music collection. I've been getting rid of cassettes as I don't use them anymore, but that one having vanished was a bit of a sadness to me. It just goes to show you that God can use anything to help to bring a person closer to Him. Heck! I bet there have even been some people who became Christian due to Monty Python's Life of Brian! "Always look on the bright side of life!" These kinds of things have often been called irreverent by Christians, and perhaps they are in some ways, but I really believe that even seeming irreverence can actually be a kind of honour and worship, or by its very nature as a kind of foil to the truth, can actually point out the truth to a listening soul and an open heart.
For instance, I attended a church some weeks ago where worship songs were the order of the day. There have been people who have called them irreverent. Yes, songs based on scripture, simply because they have a rock-'n'-roll beat, have been called irreverent! Now, while I don't think they have a place in the kind of church services I attend, I don't think them irreverent! They simply are what they are, and I'm sure their composers wrote them with care and attention. They may not be my particular cup of tea, but does that mean I should simply damn them? God forbid! For me, Jesus Christ Superstar was a way to God. Who knows what will lead others to Him?
And on that note, I wish a blessed Good Friday to all who celebrate it at this time, and a truly joyful celebration of Christ's Resurrection on Sunday!
Deo Gratias!
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Of Churches and Life Changes
Benedicamus Domino!
Well, for Orthodox Christians everywhere, the season of Lent has begun. For me, it began rather differently than it has these past few years. For starters, I missed performing the rite of forgiveness that our church performs on the Sunday immediately preceding the beginning of Lent. It's a beautiful rite where you ask each other's forgiveness for any wrongs you may have committed in the year past. You don't list the wrongs, but you do ask for forgiveness. I recall when I first heard about this rite, it didn't make a lot of sense to me. Why should I ask forgiveness of someone I hardly ever see and whom I've likely never wronged? Still, when one goes through the rite with its accompanying prostrations (kneeling with one's forehead touching the ground" and mutual asking and granting forgiveness, it makes you know beyond a doubt that this kind of humility, this kind of consciousness of wronging other people and needing their forgiveness, is a necessary part of the Christian life. There's a saying from one of the saints, John Chrysostom I think, which says: "During lent, we do not tear meat with our teeth, so neither should we tear each other with anger." (I'm paraphrasing.) The point is that to fast and to pray and to do everything we need to do in Lent is meaningless if we allow our passions or our egos to get the better of us. Of course, as things go, Lent does tend to bring those things into sharper focus. Since we're consciously fighting or trying to fight against them, they seem to intensify. However, this is where the guarding of the heart and of the senses comes in: a very deliberate attempt to check angry or covetous or prideful thoughts at the door as it were, and not to allow them to infect us and to inflame our egos. So, as we abstain from certain foods and perhaps even certain pleasures, (though this should be done carefully and with balance,) we also try to abstain from needless anger and violence toward each other. We channel all that energy into prayer, almsgiving, reflection, meditation on the Scriptures, and other spiritual things. This is a time of intensified spiritual activity which should flow over into all aspects of life, and asking the forgiveness of those whom you have wronged or may have wronged unconsciously during the past year is a nice way to start this six-week journey.
So, to continue then, this past Sunday was Forgiveness Sunday and I, for the first time, was not in attendance at my regular church. Instead, I attended a Christian Reformed church with my beloved. It was actually an interesting experience, the more because you could tell that this church was actually trying to cast off some of its Reformed traditions and to become something more non-denominational-protestant in its feel. They sang worship songs rather than hymns from a hymn-book. Though there was a nod to that tradition. They did sing "Great is Thy Faithfulness." They had a band and really good singers, and people sort of danced and clapped and such and really got into the music. There was definite joy in what they were doing, so why was it that I didn't feel it? Why was it that I was actually a little saddened by it?
Well, a part of the reason had to do with my conception of a fine old Protestant church experience. There ought to be an organ in my conception of this, and slightly uncomfortable pews, and a wood or marble floor, and well, those grand old hymns! I mean, that's my conception of what it was like to go to a Protestant church when I was younger. Then there was another curious thing. The pastor who preached a very good sermon actually basically came up against a bit of the Gospels which seemed to outright deny what he as a Reformed Christian had always been taught and he admitted this. He actually admitted that the old way of believing that faith alone justified us before God might not be the whole story. This was both refreshing and somehow unnerving to me. I mean, it was great that he could admit of his doubts, but it was also rather odd that a pastor steeped in the traditions of his faith should have those doubts. Of course, it's likely that he's had those doubts for some time. This, as I understand it, is definitely not one of the more traditionally-minded Reformed churches. However, when all was done, I was left with a strange kind of emptiness.
I mean, the people were friendly, the music was enjoyable, the sermon was interesting and thought-provoking, so what was missing? What was always missing for me in these kinds of church experiences? Well, all I can put it down to is this: I didn't feel different when I entered this church. I didn't feel as though this place was a place of prayer in quite the same way as a more traditional-feeling church (the pews and the organ and the choir and such) would make me feel. And yet, that's not even it! This church had comfortable chairs and carpet on the floors and such and had the feel to me of just some big hall or community room or something, but that can't be all there was to the not-feeling-different. We used to have our church in a renovated office suite above a dentist's office. It was small, cramped, had one bench (not a pew) to sit on, but still, I always felt different the moment I entered it. Part of that feeling of difference might have been the smell of the incense or something, but I don't know. I still say that something was missing for me in Sunday's church experience that I've never found so fully present as in an Orthodox church.
And you know, that isn't even dependent on language. I've been to churches where no English was spoken during the service and it still felt--well--different. I think the reason, apart from the more intangible reasons which may exist, is this. We clearly define sacred space and sacred time. I mean, all life should be treated as consecrated to God, but when you enter an Orthodox church or a church where some sense of tradition abounds, there is a feeling of--well--concentrated sacredness I guess. We're all trying to accomplish the exact same thing. We're seeking peace and everything in an Orthodox church is supposed to promote peace of heart and nourishment of the soul. Still, is the sort of joy that is inherent in those worship songs wrong? Is it false or impious or something? I can't really say an unqualified "yes" to these questions. To those who sing those songs and who pray in that less subdued manner, it is pious. It is expressing their love for God the best way they know how and the best way they can. Still, it rubbed me the wrong way. Something about how they prayed seemed so--well--overdone. To them it may not have been an act, but to me, it just sounded so--well--it sounded like they were trying to seem devoted to God. But do I have a right to judge this? No. All I can do is say how it affected me. The truth is that I felt all at sea with no clearly-defined liturgy. I felt as though this was just some big God-party and that true worship wasn't really going on. I mean, the words were there, but the bottom line seemed to be thankfulness for having been saved rather than a frank acknowledgement that we are always in need of God's mercy and abounding love. That either makes me a snob or really expresses something real that I was missing in this particular church. "And the church said: Amen" was done a lot, and that seems so out of keeping with what I remember as typical Canadian Protestant usage that it just jarred me. It was a tiny thing, but it jarred me. Still, it's good to be jarred out of one's complacency. It's good to see what's going on in the rest of the Christian world. Is it particularly nourishing for me? No. Will I continue to attend this church at times? Sure. I owe it to my beloved to do that. Still, it was as though I drank spiritual sugar-water on Sunday rather than the nicely-aged whine I usually get.
Again, I'm not mocking the beliefs of the people who attend this church. I can't do that since I don't know their hearts, but for me, liturgy is intimately connected with receiving Communion, and all of liturgy is a preparation of the gifts to then be shared. The ritual and the structure is accomplishing something, is going toward something, and by extention shows us what we should be going toward as well in our whole lives. Church is the one place where we can truly lay aside all earthly cares for a time and meditate on God's mercy and love. It may look stayed and subdued when compared to the kind of worship I saw on Sunday, but I tell you that joy abounds! Gratefulness oozes! The liturgy is a kind of catharsis and always changes the person who experiences it.
Having said all this, I will attend that church again. I have to do so. It's important for partners who have differing faiths to experience each other's ways of worship and of life. It only makes sense, especially now that I know beyond a doubt that this is for real, this is long-term. And this is another reason these past few days have been strange for me. I came to this decision rather suddenly but in a way which I know was blessed of God. We talked and spent time sort of drinking each other in and such, and well, everything we said and did was mutually-respectful, mutually-honouring of each other and our journeys, and well, it was just beautiful. I haven't felt this way about someone--this committed way--since Dan, my fiance who passed away over ten years ago now. A part of me thought I'd never feel this way again, but God stepped in and proved me wrong. There's a definite "smell" of God surrounding our getting together and our subsequent learning about and with each other. Will everything be perfect? No. Will life be roses and sunshine? No, but I know that I want this man for my partner, for my yoke-fellow, to use Paul's rather unflattering term. :) I think together we will be able to work out our salvation in fear and trembling, and have a lot of joy doing it as well.
Even though we've only been together for about three months, I know there's no other man for me. He's willing to dip his toes into Orthodoxy, which I know will be rather alien and odd to him. It is to all of us converts in some way or another. I just hope that as he experiences it, he understands that for me to leave it behind would be like cutting off my own head or something. It permeates one's whole way of thinking and living, or it should do. It's not a simple adherence to a set of creeds, though it may seem so at first. It did in fact seem so to me at first, but what I've learned is that it goes beyond that. The creeds mark out the path for us and let us know if we might be straying away, but the path itself forces us to grow, forces us to challenge our egos for supremacy over our hearts and minds. It quite simply forces our slumbering souls to arise and awaken, to watch and be heedful lest the Bridegroom come and we are unprepared. Is it easy? No. Do I sometimes wish I were anything but an Orthodox Christian? Yes, but that's my ego talking. That's my weakness crying out for what it wants most: it's own way. Hospitals are not always pleasant places, and our church is looked upon as a spiritual hospital. We go there for healing, and all the sacraments and rituals are designed to accomplish that healing in us. Of course we praise God and must be thankful to Him, but we must always be being saved, I guess. It's a process. Christ's death and resurrection were the beginning of that process and have done the lion's share of the work of accomplishing that process, but without our own individual wills at our own individual times in history, salvation isn't just given. A gift can't be given unless it is accepted, and we must accept that gift again and again, though so often we tend to hide it or cover it up or forget that it's there.
I think this is true of a lot of things in life as well. Taking love for granted is not a good idea. I mean, while God's love is unconditional, we can put ourselves (I feel) in a place where He can't reach us. If we really tell Him to go away and sincerely mean it, out of His own true love, He will do that. He will leave us to ourselves, but only because He gave us free will and yet also said that the choices of that free will must have consequences. Seeing all life as a gift is something I still aspire to. I know it's possible. I know people who can consciously do that and these are holy people. My ego is still in the way of that process for me. However, it is hoped that Lent will be a good time for me to learn yet more of the lessons of humility, mercy and love which Christ would have us learn. Glory to God for all things!
Deo Gratias!
Well, for Orthodox Christians everywhere, the season of Lent has begun. For me, it began rather differently than it has these past few years. For starters, I missed performing the rite of forgiveness that our church performs on the Sunday immediately preceding the beginning of Lent. It's a beautiful rite where you ask each other's forgiveness for any wrongs you may have committed in the year past. You don't list the wrongs, but you do ask for forgiveness. I recall when I first heard about this rite, it didn't make a lot of sense to me. Why should I ask forgiveness of someone I hardly ever see and whom I've likely never wronged? Still, when one goes through the rite with its accompanying prostrations (kneeling with one's forehead touching the ground" and mutual asking and granting forgiveness, it makes you know beyond a doubt that this kind of humility, this kind of consciousness of wronging other people and needing their forgiveness, is a necessary part of the Christian life. There's a saying from one of the saints, John Chrysostom I think, which says: "During lent, we do not tear meat with our teeth, so neither should we tear each other with anger." (I'm paraphrasing.) The point is that to fast and to pray and to do everything we need to do in Lent is meaningless if we allow our passions or our egos to get the better of us. Of course, as things go, Lent does tend to bring those things into sharper focus. Since we're consciously fighting or trying to fight against them, they seem to intensify. However, this is where the guarding of the heart and of the senses comes in: a very deliberate attempt to check angry or covetous or prideful thoughts at the door as it were, and not to allow them to infect us and to inflame our egos. So, as we abstain from certain foods and perhaps even certain pleasures, (though this should be done carefully and with balance,) we also try to abstain from needless anger and violence toward each other. We channel all that energy into prayer, almsgiving, reflection, meditation on the Scriptures, and other spiritual things. This is a time of intensified spiritual activity which should flow over into all aspects of life, and asking the forgiveness of those whom you have wronged or may have wronged unconsciously during the past year is a nice way to start this six-week journey.
So, to continue then, this past Sunday was Forgiveness Sunday and I, for the first time, was not in attendance at my regular church. Instead, I attended a Christian Reformed church with my beloved. It was actually an interesting experience, the more because you could tell that this church was actually trying to cast off some of its Reformed traditions and to become something more non-denominational-protestant in its feel. They sang worship songs rather than hymns from a hymn-book. Though there was a nod to that tradition. They did sing "Great is Thy Faithfulness." They had a band and really good singers, and people sort of danced and clapped and such and really got into the music. There was definite joy in what they were doing, so why was it that I didn't feel it? Why was it that I was actually a little saddened by it?
Well, a part of the reason had to do with my conception of a fine old Protestant church experience. There ought to be an organ in my conception of this, and slightly uncomfortable pews, and a wood or marble floor, and well, those grand old hymns! I mean, that's my conception of what it was like to go to a Protestant church when I was younger. Then there was another curious thing. The pastor who preached a very good sermon actually basically came up against a bit of the Gospels which seemed to outright deny what he as a Reformed Christian had always been taught and he admitted this. He actually admitted that the old way of believing that faith alone justified us before God might not be the whole story. This was both refreshing and somehow unnerving to me. I mean, it was great that he could admit of his doubts, but it was also rather odd that a pastor steeped in the traditions of his faith should have those doubts. Of course, it's likely that he's had those doubts for some time. This, as I understand it, is definitely not one of the more traditionally-minded Reformed churches. However, when all was done, I was left with a strange kind of emptiness.
I mean, the people were friendly, the music was enjoyable, the sermon was interesting and thought-provoking, so what was missing? What was always missing for me in these kinds of church experiences? Well, all I can put it down to is this: I didn't feel different when I entered this church. I didn't feel as though this place was a place of prayer in quite the same way as a more traditional-feeling church (the pews and the organ and the choir and such) would make me feel. And yet, that's not even it! This church had comfortable chairs and carpet on the floors and such and had the feel to me of just some big hall or community room or something, but that can't be all there was to the not-feeling-different. We used to have our church in a renovated office suite above a dentist's office. It was small, cramped, had one bench (not a pew) to sit on, but still, I always felt different the moment I entered it. Part of that feeling of difference might have been the smell of the incense or something, but I don't know. I still say that something was missing for me in Sunday's church experience that I've never found so fully present as in an Orthodox church.
And you know, that isn't even dependent on language. I've been to churches where no English was spoken during the service and it still felt--well--different. I think the reason, apart from the more intangible reasons which may exist, is this. We clearly define sacred space and sacred time. I mean, all life should be treated as consecrated to God, but when you enter an Orthodox church or a church where some sense of tradition abounds, there is a feeling of--well--concentrated sacredness I guess. We're all trying to accomplish the exact same thing. We're seeking peace and everything in an Orthodox church is supposed to promote peace of heart and nourishment of the soul. Still, is the sort of joy that is inherent in those worship songs wrong? Is it false or impious or something? I can't really say an unqualified "yes" to these questions. To those who sing those songs and who pray in that less subdued manner, it is pious. It is expressing their love for God the best way they know how and the best way they can. Still, it rubbed me the wrong way. Something about how they prayed seemed so--well--overdone. To them it may not have been an act, but to me, it just sounded so--well--it sounded like they were trying to seem devoted to God. But do I have a right to judge this? No. All I can do is say how it affected me. The truth is that I felt all at sea with no clearly-defined liturgy. I felt as though this was just some big God-party and that true worship wasn't really going on. I mean, the words were there, but the bottom line seemed to be thankfulness for having been saved rather than a frank acknowledgement that we are always in need of God's mercy and abounding love. That either makes me a snob or really expresses something real that I was missing in this particular church. "And the church said: Amen" was done a lot, and that seems so out of keeping with what I remember as typical Canadian Protestant usage that it just jarred me. It was a tiny thing, but it jarred me. Still, it's good to be jarred out of one's complacency. It's good to see what's going on in the rest of the Christian world. Is it particularly nourishing for me? No. Will I continue to attend this church at times? Sure. I owe it to my beloved to do that. Still, it was as though I drank spiritual sugar-water on Sunday rather than the nicely-aged whine I usually get.
Again, I'm not mocking the beliefs of the people who attend this church. I can't do that since I don't know their hearts, but for me, liturgy is intimately connected with receiving Communion, and all of liturgy is a preparation of the gifts to then be shared. The ritual and the structure is accomplishing something, is going toward something, and by extention shows us what we should be going toward as well in our whole lives. Church is the one place where we can truly lay aside all earthly cares for a time and meditate on God's mercy and love. It may look stayed and subdued when compared to the kind of worship I saw on Sunday, but I tell you that joy abounds! Gratefulness oozes! The liturgy is a kind of catharsis and always changes the person who experiences it.
Having said all this, I will attend that church again. I have to do so. It's important for partners who have differing faiths to experience each other's ways of worship and of life. It only makes sense, especially now that I know beyond a doubt that this is for real, this is long-term. And this is another reason these past few days have been strange for me. I came to this decision rather suddenly but in a way which I know was blessed of God. We talked and spent time sort of drinking each other in and such, and well, everything we said and did was mutually-respectful, mutually-honouring of each other and our journeys, and well, it was just beautiful. I haven't felt this way about someone--this committed way--since Dan, my fiance who passed away over ten years ago now. A part of me thought I'd never feel this way again, but God stepped in and proved me wrong. There's a definite "smell" of God surrounding our getting together and our subsequent learning about and with each other. Will everything be perfect? No. Will life be roses and sunshine? No, but I know that I want this man for my partner, for my yoke-fellow, to use Paul's rather unflattering term. :) I think together we will be able to work out our salvation in fear and trembling, and have a lot of joy doing it as well.
Even though we've only been together for about three months, I know there's no other man for me. He's willing to dip his toes into Orthodoxy, which I know will be rather alien and odd to him. It is to all of us converts in some way or another. I just hope that as he experiences it, he understands that for me to leave it behind would be like cutting off my own head or something. It permeates one's whole way of thinking and living, or it should do. It's not a simple adherence to a set of creeds, though it may seem so at first. It did in fact seem so to me at first, but what I've learned is that it goes beyond that. The creeds mark out the path for us and let us know if we might be straying away, but the path itself forces us to grow, forces us to challenge our egos for supremacy over our hearts and minds. It quite simply forces our slumbering souls to arise and awaken, to watch and be heedful lest the Bridegroom come and we are unprepared. Is it easy? No. Do I sometimes wish I were anything but an Orthodox Christian? Yes, but that's my ego talking. That's my weakness crying out for what it wants most: it's own way. Hospitals are not always pleasant places, and our church is looked upon as a spiritual hospital. We go there for healing, and all the sacraments and rituals are designed to accomplish that healing in us. Of course we praise God and must be thankful to Him, but we must always be being saved, I guess. It's a process. Christ's death and resurrection were the beginning of that process and have done the lion's share of the work of accomplishing that process, but without our own individual wills at our own individual times in history, salvation isn't just given. A gift can't be given unless it is accepted, and we must accept that gift again and again, though so often we tend to hide it or cover it up or forget that it's there.
I think this is true of a lot of things in life as well. Taking love for granted is not a good idea. I mean, while God's love is unconditional, we can put ourselves (I feel) in a place where He can't reach us. If we really tell Him to go away and sincerely mean it, out of His own true love, He will do that. He will leave us to ourselves, but only because He gave us free will and yet also said that the choices of that free will must have consequences. Seeing all life as a gift is something I still aspire to. I know it's possible. I know people who can consciously do that and these are holy people. My ego is still in the way of that process for me. However, it is hoped that Lent will be a good time for me to learn yet more of the lessons of humility, mercy and love which Christ would have us learn. Glory to God for all things!
Deo Gratias!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
The Changing of the Years
Benedicamus Domino!
It was seven years ago today that I stood in church and professed myself willing to unite myself to Christ. Seven years ago, I was made a catechumen of the Orthodox Church. Today, under the auspices of St. Zoe and St. Martinian the Anchorite, the Christian journey was made real for me in a way it had never been before. This was my first formal declaration in front of other people that I wanted to be a Christian. Before this, I had certainly called myself a Christian, but I had made no formal vows or declarations of the same. Even when I thought with all my heart that I wanted to become a Roman Catholic, when push finally came to shove and I could have converted, I never put the plan into action. I was content, or so I thought, to remain in my little bubble of Sara-brand Christianity. Heck! I didn't even go to church once I left high school! There was no grounding in reality, no support from others on a regular basis, no parish to call my own, nothing. Was it any wonder that in the end I found myself wandering in a sea of confusion and setting Christ aside?
I believe that any faith needs this kind of conscious intentional step, this kind of actual putting of a toe upon its path. Indeed, any event in life needs this kind of celebration, this kind of firm acknowledgement that it is real! I think we as a society have largely lost this tendency toward rites of passage and such.
As for my becoming a catechumen, I remember that I had been very ill about two weeks before and was still suffering from a nasty cough. It took all my efforts to pronounce the vows and such that I was asked to make. Still, when all was done, I knew I had done what must be done. I knew that this step was the formal step I had always denied myself, and I knew without a doubt that Baptism would surely follow as night follows day. I knew, without even knowing the ins and outs of the faith I was joining, that it was the truth. I knew it on a level which cannot be put into words. I knew it as surely as one knows the person whom one is destined to marry. It was beautiful!
I took a name then, a name which I thought I would be Baptized with but which, in the end, I decided not to take in Baptism. Still, I think of it as one of my names and I still celebrate that saint as one of my patrons. She is St. Melangell of Wales, and I believe that it was by her prayers that I found Christ again, for her story and her example often came to me out of the blue when I was feeling spiritually dry and watered my heart with gentle rain, so that when I finally decided to follow Christ, I felt it only right and necessary to take her name as my banner and her as an elder. The mere fact that she and I were on different levels of existence was not a barrier for me. Recently, I celebrated one of her feast-days by singing an Akathist (a service of prayers and hymns) to her which a friend who became my Baptismal Sponsor gave to me on the day I was made a catechumen. I read it on the bus traveling to church and it, as much as anything, proved to me that I was on the right track. Its every line seemed redolent of Heaven and also of earth. It pointed to what was for me a new understanding of what Christianity was, and it did so with simple beauty and the sort of imagery which could not help but sing to my very soul. I don't use that Akathist very often anymore, and I think this should be rectified. However, I think I'd like to reproduce it here. It's very beautiful and Melangell is just a really wonderful woman to have as a spiritual ancestor and a patron saint. So, here's the Akathist. (Oh, and the word "Akathist" in Greek means the "not-sitting-down-service." I rather like that it's named after how one conducts oneself rather than after the poetic forms used.)
AKATHIST TO OUR VENERABLE MOTHER MELANGELL
Kontakion 1
To thee our patient intercessor and watchful guardian,
We thy lambs who flee for refuge beneath thy protecting mantle,
Offer thee our hymns of thanksgiving and devotion,
For as thy divinely-bestowed authority doth ever disperse evil,
Do thou foil the darts of our pursuing enemy,
And teach us by thy meekness that we may cry to thee:
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Ekos 1
A thousand angels sing thy praises O Melangell, for having beheld thy solitary struggle for love of God, thy striving after the virtues and thy victory over Satan; they welcomed thee into the habitations of the righteous, chanting to thee such things as these:
Rejoice, dove of the wilderness!
Rejoice, sparrow cherished in the hand of the Heavenly Father!
Rejoice, lily arrayed in unfading glory!
Rejoice, rose of ineffable sweetness!
Rejoice, beloved dwelling of the Lord of Hosts!
Rejoice, thou who eternally abidest in His courts!
Rejoice, tree planted by streams of living water!
Rejoice, tender olive branch of hope!
Rejoice, meek lamb, hearkening only to the Shepherd's voice!
Rejoice, thou shepherdess, ever tending His flock!
Rejoice, thou who art sheltered by the wings of the Most High!
Rejoice, thou who liftest our eyes to whence cometh our help!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 2
Knowing thee to be a gift at thy birth, O thou in whom the Pearl of Great Price hath found a home, thy kindred rejoiced, seeing in thee the forbear of comely generations, and they sang: Alleluia!
Ekos 2
Wishing to procure for thee a life worthy of thy lineage and beauty, thy pious mother Eithni sought to espouse thee to a great and generous chieftain of thy people. But the ways of the Heavenly Bridegroom are higher than our ways, and we can but render thanks to His Providence:
Rejoice, fair adornment of thy people!
Rejoice, treasure of thy godly mother!
Rejoice, eternal heirloom of Ireland!
Rejoice, emerald beyond all price!
Rejoice, pearl in the divine diadem!
Rejoice, golden chalice finely-wrought!
Rejoice, dowry bequeathed to the Church universal!
Rejoice, precious stone enduring through the ages!
Rejoice, luminous brooch, adorn our hearts with repentance!
Rejoice, divine crown, raise our minds on high!
Rejoice, our inheritance, may we store up incorruptible treasure!
Rejoice, that we may seek first the Kingdom of God!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 3
Compelled by love for the Most High, stronger than all earthly attachments, O thou who didst daily pay thy vows, thou forsookest the bosom of thy family, beginning thy journey to the sweet spiritual meadows, praying: Alleluia!
Ekos 3
Crossing the water and arriving upon shores fertile as the Egyptian deserts in faith, the saint hastened to Pennant, her divinely-appointed arena, and the fields were joyful, and all the trees of the wood rejoiced hearing her song:
Rejoice, O my soul, in the all-providing mercy of God!
Rejoice, for here I shall seek salvation!
Rejoice, for this is the place of mine eternal rest!
Rejoice, for this is the place of my resurrection!
Rejoice, for these trees which shield me from worldly eyes!
Rejoice, for now I must seek the hidden life of prayer!
Rejoice, for the night is far-spent and day is at hand!
Rejoice, O my soul, and awake that thou be not found heedless!
Rejoice, good instructress of monastics!
Rejoice, that we may desire thy godly fervour!
Rejoice, thou whose prayers have hallowed the air!
Rejoice, thou whose tears have purified the earth!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 4
Who can describe the storm of temptations which assailed thee during thy fifteen years in the desolate, lonely wilderness, O thou set as a hart upon thy high places? For in thy humility thou didst ever strive to hide thy virtue. But now thou art glorified by Him whom thou glorifiedst in thy life, crying: Alleluia!
Ekos 4
Kneeling upon a rock, thou builtest thy spiritual house upon the Rock that is Christ and a fulfilment of His Commandments, mortifying thy flesh and routing the hordes of the demons; and even we, whose ascetic efforts are as the wings of a fly take courage from thy victory, hymning thee thus:
Rejoice, O Melangell, pillar in the eternal temple!
Rejoice, shining foundation of the new Jerusalem!
Rejoice, marble tablet inscribed with the Lord's new name!
Rejoice, adamant of noetic vigilance!
Rejoice, bastion of obedience to the divine behest!
Rejoice, tower of strength against the dark forces of hell!
Rejoice, rampart against despondency!
Rejoice, unconquerable fortress of purity!
Rejoice, living stone, may we attain such unwavering resolve!
Rejoice, thou altar, consecrate our souls to holiness!
Rejoice, white stone of victory, strengthen our hearts to resist temptation!
Rejoice, thou who leadest me to the rock that is higher than I!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 5
Though hidden from human eyes, creation beheld thee as a star O holy one; wild beasts became docile in thy presence and timid creatures grew fearless. Raising its eloquent hymn of praise, thy valley sang its new song unto the Lord: Alleluia!
Ekos 5
"And the wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid, and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them." We who reap the bitter fruit of Adam's disobedience in Paradise see in thee O Melangell hope for our own restoration to life, singing to thee thus:
Rejoice, faithful fulfiller of the Commandments of Christ!
Rejoice, icon of trusting obedience!
Rejoice, thou in whose garden the Lord walked with joy!
Rejoice, thou who heldest sweet converse with Him even at the sixth hour!
Rejoice, willing bearer of His easy burden and light yoke!
Rejoice, thou who now partakest of the Tree of Life!
Rejoice, for thou madest of thy valley a paradise!
Rejoice, for through thee it is now a step away from Heaven!
Rejoice, thou who paintest anew for us the colours of creation!
Rejoice, thou who teachest all to honour its grandeur!
Rejoice, bridge spanning the chasm of our sins!
Rejoice, thou who dost guide us across it in safety!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 6
After long years alone, battling against the powers of the air, O thou who castest lightning from Heaven, thy gentle hands upraised in prayer proved mightier than the foray of an earthly prince, who, seeing manifest the harmony in thy valley, was wroth, paralysed and unable to cry: Alleluia!
Ekos 6
Touched at last by divine grace which is able to reach down into our deepest darkness, his heart was converted; and, from the depths of his soul he was moved, O Melangell, to sing thy praises:
Rejoice, revealer of the unrepentant!
Rejoice, terror of the demons!
Rejoice, wakener of souls in the sleep of sin!
Rejoice, thou whose godly love pierceth hearts of stone!
Rejoice, dew that quenchest the flame of the passions!
Rejoice, blinding flash of purity!
Rejoice, gentle light of the holy glory of Christ!
Rejoice, unexpected joy of contrition!
Rejoice, soft radiance of the Light that knoweth no evening!
Rejoice, divine splendour, renew my darkened life!
Rejoice, lamp brimming with the oil of the virtues!
Rejoice, thou who art a beacon, deign to lead even me to salvation!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 7
Desiring to reveal a ray of true light amid this age of mirage and delusion, the Shepherd of our souls led likeminded maidens to thee, for they saw in thee a teacher of the one thing needful, and devoutly placing their lives under thy protecting mantle, they sang: Alleluia!
Ekos 7
Though rejoicing because of the amnesty granted thee, and loving thy solitude, thou didst not oppose this new visitation from the right hand of the Most High, receiving all who came to thee, and lowering thine eyes in deepest humility, thou didst move them and us to pray:
Rejoice, restorer of wayward hearts!
Rejoice, guide of blinded souls!
Rejoice, thou who leadest our feet in the way of peace!
Rejoice, for we too seek the Dayspring on high!
Rejoice, thou whose eye was wholly single!
Rejoice, thou whose soul was full of light!
Rejoice, good instructress of the young!
Rejoice, kind support of those venerable in years!
Rejoice, thou whose care constraineth us to seek the heavenly Prize!
Rejoice, thou whose zeal stirreth us to run the race set before us!
Rejoice, uplifter of our feeble hands!
Rejoice, make firm my faltering steps!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 8
Desiring to immerse themselves in the sweet serenity of thy shrine, O thou who givest good gifts unto thy children, pilgrims began to flock to thy monastery's enclosure from near and far, fugitives found sanctuary, the oppressed a respite, and weary travellers found refreshment for body and soul, raising their grateful song: Alleluia!
Ekos 8
Grant us also, O Melangell, who are strangers and exiles in this world, a cup of cool, living water for the sake of Christ, from thy beloved hands which are ever extended to embrace thy flock, debtors because of our sins but who pray:
Rejoice, for thy hallowed place was a haven in troubled times!
Rejoice, for thine icon guards us wayfarers to this day!
Rejoice, thou who meetest us in our times of decision!
Rejoice, fellow traveller along our winding paths!
Rejoice, welcomed guest at the Master's table!
Rejoice, humble servant of all those bidden to His feast!
Rejoice, thou whose name is as the music of harps!
Rejoice, thou whose works are a hymn in praise of God!
Rejoice, thou whose intercession for us is a lighted doorway!
Rejoice, thou who teachest us the hospitality of mercy!
Rejoice, warm my cold heart at the hearth of repentance!
Rejoice, help me to set a watch before my mouth!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 9
Having flown across the Jordan of this life, O thou who hast thy pinions covered with silver, thou standest now on Canaan's side amid the angels and a great cloud of witnesses. While we, the last, tossed about in our scattered flight, raise our small voice in supplication: Alleluia!
Ekos 9
Princes and poets alike have honoured thee in art and song O venerable Melangell, but our words are as the lisping of children. Even so, constrained by our love for thee we sing:
Rejoice, thou who dost worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness!
Rejoice, thou whose voice adorneth the celestial choirs!
Rejoice, thou who hast reached the Promised Land!
Rejoice, thou who ever drawest our eyes thither!
Rejoice, thou who carolest the gentle breezes of our redemption!
Rejoice, thou who art a lark guiding us to the eternal springtime!
Rejoice, thou who by the grace of Christ stillest the waves of our tribulations!
Rejoice, thou who sweetenest the bitter waters of our sorrows!
Rejoice, thou whose fiery chariot was humility!
Rejoice, bestow upon me, too, a double portion of thy meekness!
Rejoice, thou who hast borne the heat of the vineyard's day!
Rejoice, strength of monastics at the eleventh hour!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 10
Desiring, come what may, to preserve thy wonderworking relics, shrine and gravestone, O Melangell, the faithful people of Pennant hid and guarded them when darkness threatened to devour the light of their remembrance, and through the sorrowful centuries their fervent prayer has risen, as quietly as the smoke of incense: Alleluia!
Ekos 10
Thou art ever a fortress for us O saint, for even during times of spiritual dearth, Christ's followers have resorted to thine aid with hope:
Rejoice, shepherdess who leadest us beside the still waters!
Rejoice, defence against soul-destroying wolves!
Rejoice, thou whose sweet song still echoeth in thy valley!
Rejoice, thou whose presence toucheth hearts unawares!
Rejoice, thou who meetest us at the crossroads of our lives!
Rejoice, gentle guardian through the dark night of our soul!
Rejoice, thou who leadest us amid the encircling gloom of doubt and unbelief!
Rejoice, thou who keepest our feet from straying onto the broad road!
Rejoice, our staff in climbing the steep and narrow way!
Rejoice, our guide, for we walk in darkness!
Rejoice, thou who pointest the way to eternal Life!
Rejoice, guide us in the way where light dwelleth!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 11
Though every tongue seemed stilled, yet rock and stone have been revealed as messengers, bearing glad tidings to hearts and eyes longing for a sight of thee, O thou who takest thy wings toward the dawn, for lo, in this our latter generation, thy shrine once more graceth the countryside of Powys; and pilgrims, numberless as the sand flock to it, with the joyful sound: Alleluia!
Ekos 11
As a candle upon a candlestand art thou O Melangell, after thy long vigil, until the Knower of all things manifested thy light in the midnight of this world; and filled with wonder we say:
Rejoice, thou who art a sign of renewal for Orthodoxy in Wales!
Rejoice, fulfilment of an ancient hope!
Rejoice, icon of meekness and authority!
Rejoice, shrine of strength and healing!
Rejoice, for in our joy, night is become radiant!
Rejoice, for through thee a new day is dawning!
Rejoice, dewdrop reflecting the Morning-star!
Rejoice, gentle rain bringing newness of life!
Rejoice, consolation for weary fishers of souls!
Rejoice, for through thee many stray lambs are carried home!
Rejoice, kind tutor of children!
Rejoice, thou who lovingly nurturest spiritual babes!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 12
Falling to our knees before thy holy relics, we give voice together with a sea of travellers who, over time, have sought thine aid; can it be that such a joy should be granted to us the unworthy ones! For all who bring to thy feet our world of burdens find solace beneath thy comforting mantle: Alleluia!
Ekos 12
Within thy church, the baying and clamour of the world is hushed and in that place of prayer, clarity is restored. Many come away healed of bodily illnesses and all find refreshment as we sing:
Rejoice, our unfailing intercessor!
Rejoice, thou who standest before the Lord with the children He hath given thee!
Rejoice, healer of our bodies!
Rejoice, gentle physician of our souls!
Rejoice, profound peace amid an age of tumult!
Rejoice, calm amid a life of chaos!
Rejoice, thou who desirest that our distracted hearts be attentive!
Rejoice, thou who desirest that we share in thy Sabbath rest!
Rejoice, pray for me that I may walk softly in the presence of holiness!
Rejoice, pray for me that I may speak with love to my close ones!
Rejoice, pray for me that I may see the beauty in all things!
Rejoice, pray for me that I may do only that which will bring joy to the angels!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 13
O most blessed mother Melangell, thou whose authority disperseth evil and whose meekness sheltereth thy lambs, entreat the Lord and Shepherd of our souls that in His mercy, He may vouchsafe us to run the good race set before us, to win the heavenly Prize, that ever rejoicing with thee in the eternal bridal-halls, we may unceasingly sing to our Bridegroom: Alleluia!
O most blessed mother Melangell, thou whose authority disperseth evil and whose meekness sheltereth thy lambs, entreat the Lord and Shepherd of our souls that in His mercy, He may vouchsafe us to run the good race set before us, to win the heavenly Prize, that ever rejoicing with thee in the eternal bridal-halls, we may unceasingly sing to our Bridegroom: Alleluia!
O most blessed mother Melangell, thou whose authority disperseth evil and whose meekness sheltereth thy lambs, entreat the Lord and Shepherd of our souls that in His mercy, He may vouchsafe us to run the good race set before us, to win the heavenly Prize, that ever rejoicing with thee in the eternal bridal-halls, we may unceasingly sing to our Bridegroom: Alleluia!
Ekos 1
A thousand angels sing thy praises O Melangell, for having beheld thy solitary struggle for love of God, thy striving after the virtues and thy victory over Satan; they welcomed thee into the habitations of the righteous, chanting to thee such things as these:
Rejoice, dove of the wilderness!
Rejoice, sparrow cherished in the hand of the Heavenly Father!
Rejoice, lily arrayed in unfading glory!
Rejoice, rose of ineffable sweetness!
Rejoice, beloved dwelling of the Lord of Hosts!
Rejoice, thou who eternally abidest in His courts!
Rejoice, tree planted by streams of living water!
Rejoice, tender olive branch of hope!
Rejoice, meek lamb, hearkening only to the Shepherd's voice!
Rejoice, thou shepherdess, ever tending His flock!
Rejoice, thou who art sheltered by the wings of the Most High!
Rejoice, thou who liftest our eyes to whence cometh our help!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 1
To thee our patient intercessor and watchful guardian,
We thy lambs who flee for refuge beneath thy protecting mantle,
Offer thee our hymns of thanksgiving and devotion,
For as thy divinely-bestowed authority doth ever disperse evil,
Do thou foil the darts of our pursuing enemy,
And teach us by thy meekness that we may cry to thee:
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
A Prayer to St. Melangell
O holy mother Melangell, who dwellest now in light unapproachable with a multitude of radiant, glorified ones, ever rejoicing to behold the beauty of the Lamb: we lift our voices and hearts to thee in supplication; for thou art one who hast trode this path of the Christian life before us in an age as pagan and tumultuous as our own. As thou chosest earthly exile from thine homeland, spurning thine imperial lineage, wealth, glory and a prestigious marriage, to become a citizen of Heaven and a bride of Him who eternally loveth mankind and sacrificed Himself for us, instill in us courage to count all things here below as nought, for the sake of those eternal blessings. And as thou didst abandon earthly honour and comfort, subjecting thy body to the harsh asceticism of solitary vigils, kneeling in prayer upon a stone slab for fifteen years without seeing another human face, do thou teach us to seek for that completeness which no longer seeketh the false consolations of this world. And as thou art known to be the protectress of small, helpless creatures, help us to nurture and protect our souls as little children, without whose presence we shall in no wise see the Kingdom of Heaven. Thou art revealed as a healer in our days; and we ask that in thy kindness, thou intercede for our loved ones who are suffering, whose names are remembered daily before thy venerable relics.
Thy wisdom was sought, not only by those desiring to embrace the monastic life under thy guidance, but by other anchorites abiding in stillness in the valleys round about. Ye did all drink abundantly from the Fountain of Immortality and now we beg you: pray that our hearts be cleansed through repentance, that they may worthily receive a few drops of that same life-bestowing spring, who together with His unoriginate Father and the All-holy, good and life-creating Spirit is worshipped and glorified now and ever and unto ages of ages, amen.
Troparion to St. Melangell Tone 8
Preferring the rigours of monasticism to worldly status and marriage, O pious Melangell,* thou wast fifteen years on a rock, emulating the example of the Syrian Stylites.* Wherefore, O Saint, pray to God that He will give us strength to serve Him as He wills,/ that we may be found worthy of great mercy.
So, there we have it. Seven years have come and gone. That seems somehow significant! I've seen a lot of changes come and go both in the church and in me, but that truth, that knowledge that is indescribable, that thing which is more than logic and beyond mere emotion has kept me here, has made me learn and grow and keep on going when a lot could have made me stop. I am fundamentally where I need to be. I would die a spiritual death if I were not here. Of this I'm certain. So, upon this day of joyful recollection and peaceful contemplation, I will simply say: Glory to God for all things!
Deo Gratias!
It was seven years ago today that I stood in church and professed myself willing to unite myself to Christ. Seven years ago, I was made a catechumen of the Orthodox Church. Today, under the auspices of St. Zoe and St. Martinian the Anchorite, the Christian journey was made real for me in a way it had never been before. This was my first formal declaration in front of other people that I wanted to be a Christian. Before this, I had certainly called myself a Christian, but I had made no formal vows or declarations of the same. Even when I thought with all my heart that I wanted to become a Roman Catholic, when push finally came to shove and I could have converted, I never put the plan into action. I was content, or so I thought, to remain in my little bubble of Sara-brand Christianity. Heck! I didn't even go to church once I left high school! There was no grounding in reality, no support from others on a regular basis, no parish to call my own, nothing. Was it any wonder that in the end I found myself wandering in a sea of confusion and setting Christ aside?
I believe that any faith needs this kind of conscious intentional step, this kind of actual putting of a toe upon its path. Indeed, any event in life needs this kind of celebration, this kind of firm acknowledgement that it is real! I think we as a society have largely lost this tendency toward rites of passage and such.
As for my becoming a catechumen, I remember that I had been very ill about two weeks before and was still suffering from a nasty cough. It took all my efforts to pronounce the vows and such that I was asked to make. Still, when all was done, I knew I had done what must be done. I knew that this step was the formal step I had always denied myself, and I knew without a doubt that Baptism would surely follow as night follows day. I knew, without even knowing the ins and outs of the faith I was joining, that it was the truth. I knew it on a level which cannot be put into words. I knew it as surely as one knows the person whom one is destined to marry. It was beautiful!
I took a name then, a name which I thought I would be Baptized with but which, in the end, I decided not to take in Baptism. Still, I think of it as one of my names and I still celebrate that saint as one of my patrons. She is St. Melangell of Wales, and I believe that it was by her prayers that I found Christ again, for her story and her example often came to me out of the blue when I was feeling spiritually dry and watered my heart with gentle rain, so that when I finally decided to follow Christ, I felt it only right and necessary to take her name as my banner and her as an elder. The mere fact that she and I were on different levels of existence was not a barrier for me. Recently, I celebrated one of her feast-days by singing an Akathist (a service of prayers and hymns) to her which a friend who became my Baptismal Sponsor gave to me on the day I was made a catechumen. I read it on the bus traveling to church and it, as much as anything, proved to me that I was on the right track. Its every line seemed redolent of Heaven and also of earth. It pointed to what was for me a new understanding of what Christianity was, and it did so with simple beauty and the sort of imagery which could not help but sing to my very soul. I don't use that Akathist very often anymore, and I think this should be rectified. However, I think I'd like to reproduce it here. It's very beautiful and Melangell is just a really wonderful woman to have as a spiritual ancestor and a patron saint. So, here's the Akathist. (Oh, and the word "Akathist" in Greek means the "not-sitting-down-service." I rather like that it's named after how one conducts oneself rather than after the poetic forms used.)
AKATHIST TO OUR VENERABLE MOTHER MELANGELL
Kontakion 1
To thee our patient intercessor and watchful guardian,
We thy lambs who flee for refuge beneath thy protecting mantle,
Offer thee our hymns of thanksgiving and devotion,
For as thy divinely-bestowed authority doth ever disperse evil,
Do thou foil the darts of our pursuing enemy,
And teach us by thy meekness that we may cry to thee:
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Ekos 1
A thousand angels sing thy praises O Melangell, for having beheld thy solitary struggle for love of God, thy striving after the virtues and thy victory over Satan; they welcomed thee into the habitations of the righteous, chanting to thee such things as these:
Rejoice, dove of the wilderness!
Rejoice, sparrow cherished in the hand of the Heavenly Father!
Rejoice, lily arrayed in unfading glory!
Rejoice, rose of ineffable sweetness!
Rejoice, beloved dwelling of the Lord of Hosts!
Rejoice, thou who eternally abidest in His courts!
Rejoice, tree planted by streams of living water!
Rejoice, tender olive branch of hope!
Rejoice, meek lamb, hearkening only to the Shepherd's voice!
Rejoice, thou shepherdess, ever tending His flock!
Rejoice, thou who art sheltered by the wings of the Most High!
Rejoice, thou who liftest our eyes to whence cometh our help!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 2
Knowing thee to be a gift at thy birth, O thou in whom the Pearl of Great Price hath found a home, thy kindred rejoiced, seeing in thee the forbear of comely generations, and they sang: Alleluia!
Ekos 2
Wishing to procure for thee a life worthy of thy lineage and beauty, thy pious mother Eithni sought to espouse thee to a great and generous chieftain of thy people. But the ways of the Heavenly Bridegroom are higher than our ways, and we can but render thanks to His Providence:
Rejoice, fair adornment of thy people!
Rejoice, treasure of thy godly mother!
Rejoice, eternal heirloom of Ireland!
Rejoice, emerald beyond all price!
Rejoice, pearl in the divine diadem!
Rejoice, golden chalice finely-wrought!
Rejoice, dowry bequeathed to the Church universal!
Rejoice, precious stone enduring through the ages!
Rejoice, luminous brooch, adorn our hearts with repentance!
Rejoice, divine crown, raise our minds on high!
Rejoice, our inheritance, may we store up incorruptible treasure!
Rejoice, that we may seek first the Kingdom of God!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 3
Compelled by love for the Most High, stronger than all earthly attachments, O thou who didst daily pay thy vows, thou forsookest the bosom of thy family, beginning thy journey to the sweet spiritual meadows, praying: Alleluia!
Ekos 3
Crossing the water and arriving upon shores fertile as the Egyptian deserts in faith, the saint hastened to Pennant, her divinely-appointed arena, and the fields were joyful, and all the trees of the wood rejoiced hearing her song:
Rejoice, O my soul, in the all-providing mercy of God!
Rejoice, for here I shall seek salvation!
Rejoice, for this is the place of mine eternal rest!
Rejoice, for this is the place of my resurrection!
Rejoice, for these trees which shield me from worldly eyes!
Rejoice, for now I must seek the hidden life of prayer!
Rejoice, for the night is far-spent and day is at hand!
Rejoice, O my soul, and awake that thou be not found heedless!
Rejoice, good instructress of monastics!
Rejoice, that we may desire thy godly fervour!
Rejoice, thou whose prayers have hallowed the air!
Rejoice, thou whose tears have purified the earth!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 4
Who can describe the storm of temptations which assailed thee during thy fifteen years in the desolate, lonely wilderness, O thou set as a hart upon thy high places? For in thy humility thou didst ever strive to hide thy virtue. But now thou art glorified by Him whom thou glorifiedst in thy life, crying: Alleluia!
Ekos 4
Kneeling upon a rock, thou builtest thy spiritual house upon the Rock that is Christ and a fulfilment of His Commandments, mortifying thy flesh and routing the hordes of the demons; and even we, whose ascetic efforts are as the wings of a fly take courage from thy victory, hymning thee thus:
Rejoice, O Melangell, pillar in the eternal temple!
Rejoice, shining foundation of the new Jerusalem!
Rejoice, marble tablet inscribed with the Lord's new name!
Rejoice, adamant of noetic vigilance!
Rejoice, bastion of obedience to the divine behest!
Rejoice, tower of strength against the dark forces of hell!
Rejoice, rampart against despondency!
Rejoice, unconquerable fortress of purity!
Rejoice, living stone, may we attain such unwavering resolve!
Rejoice, thou altar, consecrate our souls to holiness!
Rejoice, white stone of victory, strengthen our hearts to resist temptation!
Rejoice, thou who leadest me to the rock that is higher than I!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 5
Though hidden from human eyes, creation beheld thee as a star O holy one; wild beasts became docile in thy presence and timid creatures grew fearless. Raising its eloquent hymn of praise, thy valley sang its new song unto the Lord: Alleluia!
Ekos 5
"And the wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid, and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them." We who reap the bitter fruit of Adam's disobedience in Paradise see in thee O Melangell hope for our own restoration to life, singing to thee thus:
Rejoice, faithful fulfiller of the Commandments of Christ!
Rejoice, icon of trusting obedience!
Rejoice, thou in whose garden the Lord walked with joy!
Rejoice, thou who heldest sweet converse with Him even at the sixth hour!
Rejoice, willing bearer of His easy burden and light yoke!
Rejoice, thou who now partakest of the Tree of Life!
Rejoice, for thou madest of thy valley a paradise!
Rejoice, for through thee it is now a step away from Heaven!
Rejoice, thou who paintest anew for us the colours of creation!
Rejoice, thou who teachest all to honour its grandeur!
Rejoice, bridge spanning the chasm of our sins!
Rejoice, thou who dost guide us across it in safety!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 6
After long years alone, battling against the powers of the air, O thou who castest lightning from Heaven, thy gentle hands upraised in prayer proved mightier than the foray of an earthly prince, who, seeing manifest the harmony in thy valley, was wroth, paralysed and unable to cry: Alleluia!
Ekos 6
Touched at last by divine grace which is able to reach down into our deepest darkness, his heart was converted; and, from the depths of his soul he was moved, O Melangell, to sing thy praises:
Rejoice, revealer of the unrepentant!
Rejoice, terror of the demons!
Rejoice, wakener of souls in the sleep of sin!
Rejoice, thou whose godly love pierceth hearts of stone!
Rejoice, dew that quenchest the flame of the passions!
Rejoice, blinding flash of purity!
Rejoice, gentle light of the holy glory of Christ!
Rejoice, unexpected joy of contrition!
Rejoice, soft radiance of the Light that knoweth no evening!
Rejoice, divine splendour, renew my darkened life!
Rejoice, lamp brimming with the oil of the virtues!
Rejoice, thou who art a beacon, deign to lead even me to salvation!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 7
Desiring to reveal a ray of true light amid this age of mirage and delusion, the Shepherd of our souls led likeminded maidens to thee, for they saw in thee a teacher of the one thing needful, and devoutly placing their lives under thy protecting mantle, they sang: Alleluia!
Ekos 7
Though rejoicing because of the amnesty granted thee, and loving thy solitude, thou didst not oppose this new visitation from the right hand of the Most High, receiving all who came to thee, and lowering thine eyes in deepest humility, thou didst move them and us to pray:
Rejoice, restorer of wayward hearts!
Rejoice, guide of blinded souls!
Rejoice, thou who leadest our feet in the way of peace!
Rejoice, for we too seek the Dayspring on high!
Rejoice, thou whose eye was wholly single!
Rejoice, thou whose soul was full of light!
Rejoice, good instructress of the young!
Rejoice, kind support of those venerable in years!
Rejoice, thou whose care constraineth us to seek the heavenly Prize!
Rejoice, thou whose zeal stirreth us to run the race set before us!
Rejoice, uplifter of our feeble hands!
Rejoice, make firm my faltering steps!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 8
Desiring to immerse themselves in the sweet serenity of thy shrine, O thou who givest good gifts unto thy children, pilgrims began to flock to thy monastery's enclosure from near and far, fugitives found sanctuary, the oppressed a respite, and weary travellers found refreshment for body and soul, raising their grateful song: Alleluia!
Ekos 8
Grant us also, O Melangell, who are strangers and exiles in this world, a cup of cool, living water for the sake of Christ, from thy beloved hands which are ever extended to embrace thy flock, debtors because of our sins but who pray:
Rejoice, for thy hallowed place was a haven in troubled times!
Rejoice, for thine icon guards us wayfarers to this day!
Rejoice, thou who meetest us in our times of decision!
Rejoice, fellow traveller along our winding paths!
Rejoice, welcomed guest at the Master's table!
Rejoice, humble servant of all those bidden to His feast!
Rejoice, thou whose name is as the music of harps!
Rejoice, thou whose works are a hymn in praise of God!
Rejoice, thou whose intercession for us is a lighted doorway!
Rejoice, thou who teachest us the hospitality of mercy!
Rejoice, warm my cold heart at the hearth of repentance!
Rejoice, help me to set a watch before my mouth!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 9
Having flown across the Jordan of this life, O thou who hast thy pinions covered with silver, thou standest now on Canaan's side amid the angels and a great cloud of witnesses. While we, the last, tossed about in our scattered flight, raise our small voice in supplication: Alleluia!
Ekos 9
Princes and poets alike have honoured thee in art and song O venerable Melangell, but our words are as the lisping of children. Even so, constrained by our love for thee we sing:
Rejoice, thou who dost worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness!
Rejoice, thou whose voice adorneth the celestial choirs!
Rejoice, thou who hast reached the Promised Land!
Rejoice, thou who ever drawest our eyes thither!
Rejoice, thou who carolest the gentle breezes of our redemption!
Rejoice, thou who art a lark guiding us to the eternal springtime!
Rejoice, thou who by the grace of Christ stillest the waves of our tribulations!
Rejoice, thou who sweetenest the bitter waters of our sorrows!
Rejoice, thou whose fiery chariot was humility!
Rejoice, bestow upon me, too, a double portion of thy meekness!
Rejoice, thou who hast borne the heat of the vineyard's day!
Rejoice, strength of monastics at the eleventh hour!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 10
Desiring, come what may, to preserve thy wonderworking relics, shrine and gravestone, O Melangell, the faithful people of Pennant hid and guarded them when darkness threatened to devour the light of their remembrance, and through the sorrowful centuries their fervent prayer has risen, as quietly as the smoke of incense: Alleluia!
Ekos 10
Thou art ever a fortress for us O saint, for even during times of spiritual dearth, Christ's followers have resorted to thine aid with hope:
Rejoice, shepherdess who leadest us beside the still waters!
Rejoice, defence against soul-destroying wolves!
Rejoice, thou whose sweet song still echoeth in thy valley!
Rejoice, thou whose presence toucheth hearts unawares!
Rejoice, thou who meetest us at the crossroads of our lives!
Rejoice, gentle guardian through the dark night of our soul!
Rejoice, thou who leadest us amid the encircling gloom of doubt and unbelief!
Rejoice, thou who keepest our feet from straying onto the broad road!
Rejoice, our staff in climbing the steep and narrow way!
Rejoice, our guide, for we walk in darkness!
Rejoice, thou who pointest the way to eternal Life!
Rejoice, guide us in the way where light dwelleth!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 11
Though every tongue seemed stilled, yet rock and stone have been revealed as messengers, bearing glad tidings to hearts and eyes longing for a sight of thee, O thou who takest thy wings toward the dawn, for lo, in this our latter generation, thy shrine once more graceth the countryside of Powys; and pilgrims, numberless as the sand flock to it, with the joyful sound: Alleluia!
Ekos 11
As a candle upon a candlestand art thou O Melangell, after thy long vigil, until the Knower of all things manifested thy light in the midnight of this world; and filled with wonder we say:
Rejoice, thou who art a sign of renewal for Orthodoxy in Wales!
Rejoice, fulfilment of an ancient hope!
Rejoice, icon of meekness and authority!
Rejoice, shrine of strength and healing!
Rejoice, for in our joy, night is become radiant!
Rejoice, for through thee a new day is dawning!
Rejoice, dewdrop reflecting the Morning-star!
Rejoice, gentle rain bringing newness of life!
Rejoice, consolation for weary fishers of souls!
Rejoice, for through thee many stray lambs are carried home!
Rejoice, kind tutor of children!
Rejoice, thou who lovingly nurturest spiritual babes!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 12
Falling to our knees before thy holy relics, we give voice together with a sea of travellers who, over time, have sought thine aid; can it be that such a joy should be granted to us the unworthy ones! For all who bring to thy feet our world of burdens find solace beneath thy comforting mantle: Alleluia!
Ekos 12
Within thy church, the baying and clamour of the world is hushed and in that place of prayer, clarity is restored. Many come away healed of bodily illnesses and all find refreshment as we sing:
Rejoice, our unfailing intercessor!
Rejoice, thou who standest before the Lord with the children He hath given thee!
Rejoice, healer of our bodies!
Rejoice, gentle physician of our souls!
Rejoice, profound peace amid an age of tumult!
Rejoice, calm amid a life of chaos!
Rejoice, thou who desirest that our distracted hearts be attentive!
Rejoice, thou who desirest that we share in thy Sabbath rest!
Rejoice, pray for me that I may walk softly in the presence of holiness!
Rejoice, pray for me that I may speak with love to my close ones!
Rejoice, pray for me that I may see the beauty in all things!
Rejoice, pray for me that I may do only that which will bring joy to the angels!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 13
O most blessed mother Melangell, thou whose authority disperseth evil and whose meekness sheltereth thy lambs, entreat the Lord and Shepherd of our souls that in His mercy, He may vouchsafe us to run the good race set before us, to win the heavenly Prize, that ever rejoicing with thee in the eternal bridal-halls, we may unceasingly sing to our Bridegroom: Alleluia!
O most blessed mother Melangell, thou whose authority disperseth evil and whose meekness sheltereth thy lambs, entreat the Lord and Shepherd of our souls that in His mercy, He may vouchsafe us to run the good race set before us, to win the heavenly Prize, that ever rejoicing with thee in the eternal bridal-halls, we may unceasingly sing to our Bridegroom: Alleluia!
O most blessed mother Melangell, thou whose authority disperseth evil and whose meekness sheltereth thy lambs, entreat the Lord and Shepherd of our souls that in His mercy, He may vouchsafe us to run the good race set before us, to win the heavenly Prize, that ever rejoicing with thee in the eternal bridal-halls, we may unceasingly sing to our Bridegroom: Alleluia!
Ekos 1
A thousand angels sing thy praises O Melangell, for having beheld thy solitary struggle for love of God, thy striving after the virtues and thy victory over Satan; they welcomed thee into the habitations of the righteous, chanting to thee such things as these:
Rejoice, dove of the wilderness!
Rejoice, sparrow cherished in the hand of the Heavenly Father!
Rejoice, lily arrayed in unfading glory!
Rejoice, rose of ineffable sweetness!
Rejoice, beloved dwelling of the Lord of Hosts!
Rejoice, thou who eternally abidest in His courts!
Rejoice, tree planted by streams of living water!
Rejoice, tender olive branch of hope!
Rejoice, meek lamb, hearkening only to the Shepherd's voice!
Rejoice, thou shepherdess, ever tending His flock!
Rejoice, thou who art sheltered by the wings of the Most High!
Rejoice, thou who liftest our eyes to whence cometh our help!
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
Kontakion 1
To thee our patient intercessor and watchful guardian,
We thy lambs who flee for refuge beneath thy protecting mantle,
Offer thee our hymns of thanksgiving and devotion,
For as thy divinely-bestowed authority doth ever disperse evil,
Do thou foil the darts of our pursuing enemy,
And teach us by thy meekness that we may cry to thee:
Rejoice, O Melangell whose staff putteth evil to flight!
A Prayer to St. Melangell
O holy mother Melangell, who dwellest now in light unapproachable with a multitude of radiant, glorified ones, ever rejoicing to behold the beauty of the Lamb: we lift our voices and hearts to thee in supplication; for thou art one who hast trode this path of the Christian life before us in an age as pagan and tumultuous as our own. As thou chosest earthly exile from thine homeland, spurning thine imperial lineage, wealth, glory and a prestigious marriage, to become a citizen of Heaven and a bride of Him who eternally loveth mankind and sacrificed Himself for us, instill in us courage to count all things here below as nought, for the sake of those eternal blessings. And as thou didst abandon earthly honour and comfort, subjecting thy body to the harsh asceticism of solitary vigils, kneeling in prayer upon a stone slab for fifteen years without seeing another human face, do thou teach us to seek for that completeness which no longer seeketh the false consolations of this world. And as thou art known to be the protectress of small, helpless creatures, help us to nurture and protect our souls as little children, without whose presence we shall in no wise see the Kingdom of Heaven. Thou art revealed as a healer in our days; and we ask that in thy kindness, thou intercede for our loved ones who are suffering, whose names are remembered daily before thy venerable relics.
Thy wisdom was sought, not only by those desiring to embrace the monastic life under thy guidance, but by other anchorites abiding in stillness in the valleys round about. Ye did all drink abundantly from the Fountain of Immortality and now we beg you: pray that our hearts be cleansed through repentance, that they may worthily receive a few drops of that same life-bestowing spring, who together with His unoriginate Father and the All-holy, good and life-creating Spirit is worshipped and glorified now and ever and unto ages of ages, amen.
Troparion to St. Melangell Tone 8
Preferring the rigours of monasticism to worldly status and marriage, O pious Melangell,* thou wast fifteen years on a rock, emulating the example of the Syrian Stylites.* Wherefore, O Saint, pray to God that He will give us strength to serve Him as He wills,/ that we may be found worthy of great mercy.
So, there we have it. Seven years have come and gone. That seems somehow significant! I've seen a lot of changes come and go both in the church and in me, but that truth, that knowledge that is indescribable, that thing which is more than logic and beyond mere emotion has kept me here, has made me learn and grow and keep on going when a lot could have made me stop. I am fundamentally where I need to be. I would die a spiritual death if I were not here. Of this I'm certain. So, upon this day of joyful recollection and peaceful contemplation, I will simply say: Glory to God for all things!
Deo Gratias!
Thursday, February 21, 2013
The Joy of Creativity
Benedicamus Domino!
I am slowly coming to believe that we all are creative, we all seek to make, to bring into being, something new and never seen before. Just because we might not have an artistic bent, does it then follow that we must consider ourselves barren of this creative spark? Is creating simply and solely the province of those who work with brush or chisel, piano or pen? I say no, for living can be an art as well. Living can be about creating something beautiful. Sometimes it involves chipping away rough edges. Sometimes it's about piecing broken shards back together! Whatever task we're engaged in at the moment should be generative, should be creative. How would it be if we actually learn to view our lives as works of art, as things continually being made at every moment? What if we learn to see the things which detract from the beauty inherent in us and, rather than letting them consume us, we simply acknowledge them and then set about the task of fixing them? Of course, it takes other eyes than ours to truly show us these things. It takes our Creator to show us how to take a hand in His artistry and to allow Him to restore us to the glory which only He truly knows, and therein lies the difficulty. This restoration might seem painful to us. He might strip away layers which we thought beautiful at first but which He knows would smudge our true beauty. How do we let Him do this? How do we let go of the fear of change?
For everyone, this answer will be different, but it must happen and keep happening. Every time we seek to hold onto things which would weigh us down, which would dull the colours of our lives, we must remind ourselves that our Creator seeks to beautify, to reveal beauty rather than to destroy it. If His fiery hand seems to consume us, we must remember that it seeks to consume the dross and to leave us the gold. Christ wishes our joy to be full. Imagine what it must be like to truly live in the fullness of joy! It must be beautiful and terrible beyond telling! It must be beyond all fears and all affections! It must be a continual shimmering music which strikes the soul like kindling fire and causes it to be caught up into the endless singing! It must truly be ecstasy!
I believe that I have heard the merest faint echo of the sound of that joy. It came to me yesterday in the form of a new song, and here it is. It waited a whole year to be born, and now it has come. Glory to God for all things! It is a setting of the Hopkins poem "Heaven-Haven (A Nun Takes the Veil."
Sara Hillis - Heaven-Haven (A Nun Takes the Veil)
Deo Gratias!
I am slowly coming to believe that we all are creative, we all seek to make, to bring into being, something new and never seen before. Just because we might not have an artistic bent, does it then follow that we must consider ourselves barren of this creative spark? Is creating simply and solely the province of those who work with brush or chisel, piano or pen? I say no, for living can be an art as well. Living can be about creating something beautiful. Sometimes it involves chipping away rough edges. Sometimes it's about piecing broken shards back together! Whatever task we're engaged in at the moment should be generative, should be creative. How would it be if we actually learn to view our lives as works of art, as things continually being made at every moment? What if we learn to see the things which detract from the beauty inherent in us and, rather than letting them consume us, we simply acknowledge them and then set about the task of fixing them? Of course, it takes other eyes than ours to truly show us these things. It takes our Creator to show us how to take a hand in His artistry and to allow Him to restore us to the glory which only He truly knows, and therein lies the difficulty. This restoration might seem painful to us. He might strip away layers which we thought beautiful at first but which He knows would smudge our true beauty. How do we let Him do this? How do we let go of the fear of change?
For everyone, this answer will be different, but it must happen and keep happening. Every time we seek to hold onto things which would weigh us down, which would dull the colours of our lives, we must remind ourselves that our Creator seeks to beautify, to reveal beauty rather than to destroy it. If His fiery hand seems to consume us, we must remember that it seeks to consume the dross and to leave us the gold. Christ wishes our joy to be full. Imagine what it must be like to truly live in the fullness of joy! It must be beautiful and terrible beyond telling! It must be beyond all fears and all affections! It must be a continual shimmering music which strikes the soul like kindling fire and causes it to be caught up into the endless singing! It must truly be ecstasy!
I believe that I have heard the merest faint echo of the sound of that joy. It came to me yesterday in the form of a new song, and here it is. It waited a whole year to be born, and now it has come. Glory to God for all things! It is a setting of the Hopkins poem "Heaven-Haven (A Nun Takes the Veil."
Sara Hillis - Heaven-Haven (A Nun Takes the Veil)
Deo Gratias!
Monday, February 18, 2013
Capturing a Moment
Benedicamus Domino!
William Wordsworth once famously wrote that poetry is "a spontaneous overflow of emotion recalled in a time of tranquility." I've often scoffed at this definition, but I am now forced to conclude that he may very possibly be correct. The following piece is not a poem as far as I tend to define the term, but it is, I think, my best attempt at capturing the moment at which I realized that Christ really was the fulfilment of all things for me. It's a meditation I wrote as a result of this Hildegard of Bingen course-thing I'm taking. Here it is!
Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Inana! Ye mothers of the moon! Ye virgins of the fields! Ye crones of the eastern deserts! Exult now and be glad! Danae, Lito and Psyche, dance with unending joy, for your stories have come to fulfilment! Your tales told round fires and in temples have pointed the way to the truest twining of the green of Eros and the gold of Agape, for it was Mary who was showered in the true gold, Mary who bathed in the green of the Spirit as the Word took root in her mortal womb! Here at last was the reason for the telling of your tales, ye goddesses of field and forest, for as in you was conceived and born the quickening life of the sun and the famous warrior who protected his people, so was conceived and born in her the Christ, the conqueror of death and the victor over hell, the renewer of the world, the springtime in our wintry wanderings! See how Mary is lifted high above you all! See how she is both maiden and mother, but in her, no crone exists. No descent to the underworld must she make, for death cannot hold her whom Christ hath quickened with his very self! See the miracle and rejoice with me, for now we know what was hidden in the poetry and passion, in the rituals and the rhymes of the old ways. Christ is among us and the ladder by which He descended was none other than Mary herself, a mortal woman made immortal and wise by the greening power of God! Amen!
So, there we have it. I'm glad I was finally able to do this! I think it will open up a lot of interesting creative avenues for me!
Deo Gratias!
William Wordsworth once famously wrote that poetry is "a spontaneous overflow of emotion recalled in a time of tranquility." I've often scoffed at this definition, but I am now forced to conclude that he may very possibly be correct. The following piece is not a poem as far as I tend to define the term, but it is, I think, my best attempt at capturing the moment at which I realized that Christ really was the fulfilment of all things for me. It's a meditation I wrote as a result of this Hildegard of Bingen course-thing I'm taking. Here it is!
Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Inana! Ye mothers of the moon! Ye virgins of the fields! Ye crones of the eastern deserts! Exult now and be glad! Danae, Lito and Psyche, dance with unending joy, for your stories have come to fulfilment! Your tales told round fires and in temples have pointed the way to the truest twining of the green of Eros and the gold of Agape, for it was Mary who was showered in the true gold, Mary who bathed in the green of the Spirit as the Word took root in her mortal womb! Here at last was the reason for the telling of your tales, ye goddesses of field and forest, for as in you was conceived and born the quickening life of the sun and the famous warrior who protected his people, so was conceived and born in her the Christ, the conqueror of death and the victor over hell, the renewer of the world, the springtime in our wintry wanderings! See how Mary is lifted high above you all! See how she is both maiden and mother, but in her, no crone exists. No descent to the underworld must she make, for death cannot hold her whom Christ hath quickened with his very self! See the miracle and rejoice with me, for now we know what was hidden in the poetry and passion, in the rituals and the rhymes of the old ways. Christ is among us and the ladder by which He descended was none other than Mary herself, a mortal woman made immortal and wise by the greening power of God! Amen!
So, there we have it. I'm glad I was finally able to do this! I think it will open up a lot of interesting creative avenues for me!
Deo Gratias!
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Spreading my Wings
Benedicamus Domino!
I was speaking with someone earlier this week and what we were talking about sounded to her as though it belonged in one of my blog entries. So, far be it from me to argue with such indisputable logic! Here goes!
I often find myself frustrated with what I perceive as the narrowness of some of the attitudes of the people in my faith. I mean, I know that straight and narrow leadeth unto life, but does that necessarily mean that one must develop such a narrow vision that one fears to look beyond its scope lest one be tempted away from Christ? (Wow! I never thought I'd get to the end of that sentence with its meaning intact!) I sometimes get the feeling that people in my faith, in their zeal to protect themselves and their children from the ever-intruding 'spirit of the age,' may occasionally go a little too far. I mean, if we really believe that nothing can stand against God, if we really believe that God is our help and protection, should we fear what we don't understand? Should we always be of a suspicious nature? It's this suspicious nature which I seem to have acquired, and I really don't like it.
We are called to be circumspect. We should look around us and see what is going on, and if necessary, we should eschew it if it seems truly destructive. But should we cast aspersions on some faith or some group of people or some book, say, simply because it does not conform to our beliefs? I've always maintained a negative answer to this question, the one caveat being that if it is happening within the church, we ought to take a good hard look at why it's happening and to figure out what the new or different element is trying to accomplish. John's writings condemn the nostics in no uncertain terms. To him, they were directly challenging the truth that Christ was and is a living man. To him, that would have been a personal insult as he had witnessed the resurrection himself. Say what you like about them, but they were going off the track, both of what Christ had taught and of what he truly was and is. So, I'm certainly not advocating straight relativism. I really do not believe that every idea in the world is valid just because it's an idea. I believe some stand up better than others, and some faiths stand up much better than others.
What I don't want to do is to create boxes for myself, and I always do this. I create a box for myself, and when something challenges that box, I get all frightened and suspicious of that thing. It might be as simple as a certain kind of language which someone uses to talk about God, for instance. I myself might not use that language, but should I become frightened of it just because I hear it? This seems to point to an utter lack of belief or trust or something. If God is who He seems to be, then He'll know if a person is talking to Him no matter what mode of discourse is being used. It's God that has to deal with each person, not me. My job is to just do my best and look to my own self and let the spirit of the age move as it will, for it is always changing.
I'm currently participating in an "online retreat." It's based around the time of Lent, but my Lent doesn't start for another month. Still, it involves the life and work of Hildegard of Bingen, a Benedictine Abbess from the 1100s. She's not Orthodox by definition, because she was born 44 years after what we call the Great Schism, when, due to several doctrinal and political factors, a bunch of bishops decided that east and west were no longer in communion with each other. However, there is no doubt in my mind that she was Christian, that she possessed the wisdom of her ancestors in the faith and was an amazing witness to the Benedictine spirit! Officially, I cannot call her a saint. Officially, I cannot ask for her intercession. However, does this mean that she cannot teach me things? Does this mean that I must simply deny a woman who's fiery words and heavenly music were one of the keys to Christ for me? I've wrestled with this kind of thing for a long time, and I've decided that it's high time I spread my wings. I have no intention of abandoning Orthodox Christianity. It's still the best thing going for my money. It has everything I need, and in my book, you either take the whole pill or leave it, because once you chop it up, a lot of its virtue is gone. However, I will not be bound by others' fears and warnings with no foundations. I think I know enough by now to tread cautiously and to be circumspect, and I hope I'm not such a fool as to stop discussing things with others of my faith. So, I am letting Hildegard's idea of the greening (viriditas) power of God enter into me during this retreat. That is what He's all about, really, bringing things to life and quickening even the dead! I want to stop being afraid. I want to stop feeling as though my faith might snap like a twig at the slightest pressure from outside. Perhaps my faith would do that, but that is when we can call to God: "Save me, Lord! I perish!"
Deo Gratias!
I was speaking with someone earlier this week and what we were talking about sounded to her as though it belonged in one of my blog entries. So, far be it from me to argue with such indisputable logic! Here goes!
I often find myself frustrated with what I perceive as the narrowness of some of the attitudes of the people in my faith. I mean, I know that straight and narrow leadeth unto life, but does that necessarily mean that one must develop such a narrow vision that one fears to look beyond its scope lest one be tempted away from Christ? (Wow! I never thought I'd get to the end of that sentence with its meaning intact!) I sometimes get the feeling that people in my faith, in their zeal to protect themselves and their children from the ever-intruding 'spirit of the age,' may occasionally go a little too far. I mean, if we really believe that nothing can stand against God, if we really believe that God is our help and protection, should we fear what we don't understand? Should we always be of a suspicious nature? It's this suspicious nature which I seem to have acquired, and I really don't like it.
We are called to be circumspect. We should look around us and see what is going on, and if necessary, we should eschew it if it seems truly destructive. But should we cast aspersions on some faith or some group of people or some book, say, simply because it does not conform to our beliefs? I've always maintained a negative answer to this question, the one caveat being that if it is happening within the church, we ought to take a good hard look at why it's happening and to figure out what the new or different element is trying to accomplish. John's writings condemn the nostics in no uncertain terms. To him, they were directly challenging the truth that Christ was and is a living man. To him, that would have been a personal insult as he had witnessed the resurrection himself. Say what you like about them, but they were going off the track, both of what Christ had taught and of what he truly was and is. So, I'm certainly not advocating straight relativism. I really do not believe that every idea in the world is valid just because it's an idea. I believe some stand up better than others, and some faiths stand up much better than others.
What I don't want to do is to create boxes for myself, and I always do this. I create a box for myself, and when something challenges that box, I get all frightened and suspicious of that thing. It might be as simple as a certain kind of language which someone uses to talk about God, for instance. I myself might not use that language, but should I become frightened of it just because I hear it? This seems to point to an utter lack of belief or trust or something. If God is who He seems to be, then He'll know if a person is talking to Him no matter what mode of discourse is being used. It's God that has to deal with each person, not me. My job is to just do my best and look to my own self and let the spirit of the age move as it will, for it is always changing.
I'm currently participating in an "online retreat." It's based around the time of Lent, but my Lent doesn't start for another month. Still, it involves the life and work of Hildegard of Bingen, a Benedictine Abbess from the 1100s. She's not Orthodox by definition, because she was born 44 years after what we call the Great Schism, when, due to several doctrinal and political factors, a bunch of bishops decided that east and west were no longer in communion with each other. However, there is no doubt in my mind that she was Christian, that she possessed the wisdom of her ancestors in the faith and was an amazing witness to the Benedictine spirit! Officially, I cannot call her a saint. Officially, I cannot ask for her intercession. However, does this mean that she cannot teach me things? Does this mean that I must simply deny a woman who's fiery words and heavenly music were one of the keys to Christ for me? I've wrestled with this kind of thing for a long time, and I've decided that it's high time I spread my wings. I have no intention of abandoning Orthodox Christianity. It's still the best thing going for my money. It has everything I need, and in my book, you either take the whole pill or leave it, because once you chop it up, a lot of its virtue is gone. However, I will not be bound by others' fears and warnings with no foundations. I think I know enough by now to tread cautiously and to be circumspect, and I hope I'm not such a fool as to stop discussing things with others of my faith. So, I am letting Hildegard's idea of the greening (viriditas) power of God enter into me during this retreat. That is what He's all about, really, bringing things to life and quickening even the dead! I want to stop being afraid. I want to stop feeling as though my faith might snap like a twig at the slightest pressure from outside. Perhaps my faith would do that, but that is when we can call to God: "Save me, Lord! I perish!"
Deo Gratias!
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